Kendra Lowe, an Air Force veteran, military spouse, and licensed psychologist, says that military spouses can break the stress cycle by learning to understand, respond to, and manage their stress. After nearing her own breaking point on an overseas assignment, she made the decision to change how she viewed her stress.

“I stumbled across an email for décor words you can place on your wall that read ‘Wake Up, Kick Ass, Repeat.’ I immediately ordered it in the largest, darkest letters and adhered it to our wall where it remained for four years,” Kendra says. “Initially it served as a daily challenge. What I later discovered was that by adding this mantra to the wall, I was actively shifting my negative thoughts to positive ones.”

Understand Your Stress

The first step for Kendra was recognizing she had a stress problem. Once she identified it, she could begin understanding where her stress originated and focus on the causes that she could control. If her stress was internal, she could control it. If it was external—like learning her husband’s tour would be extended from two to four years on the first night of their overseas assignment—should most likely could not control it.

“For military spouses this distinction is profound, as we are required to function in a world with very little control. Take comfort in knowing something, especially something with the potential to have a negative impact like stress, is within your control,” Kendra says.

Respond to Your Stress

Kendra began to take control of her thoughts, feelings, and expectations—her internal stress—which gave her the opportunity to shape her stress into a neutral or even a positive experience. As she reframed her stress triggers, she responded differently to the stressful situations, beginning to break the stress cycle.

Tactics like meditation, journaling, and physical exercise can help with stress management, but learning to identify and address the “thieves” in your day can have a profound impact on the stress cycle as well. “Time thieves” such as excessive social media scrolling, phone interruptions, and procrastination all contribute to later feelings of stress and lack of accomplishment. Kendra recommends creating a priority list for the day and even muting your cell phone for periods of time to eliminate distractions. “Emotional thieves” include individuals who leave you feeling put down, anxious, sad, or even depressed. Kendra recommends limiting time with these kinds of people and, when possible, eliminating them from your life altogether so you can spend more time with loving, nurturing people.

Turn Your Stress into Strength

Though military spouses may dream of a stress-free life, breaking the stress cycle won’t eliminate current stress or stop new stress from developing. Instead, reframing mindsets and reforming habits related to stress responses become tools in managing stress.

“The goal is not to solve the problem, but rather to acquire tools to manage stress you may be experiencing now or as it arises in the future,” Kendra says. “Through better management of stress you can begin to experience challenges without suffering as opposed to remaining calm while suffering. A simple, yet profound difference.”

Kendra, MSC, EdS, EdD, NCSP, LSSP, is the author of Milspouse Strength: Changing the Way You See and Respond to Military Life Stress, a friendly guide to help military spouses assess, respond to, and proactively manage the cumulative stress of military life. The book will release January 11, 2022 and is published by Elva Resa Publishing.

More helpful ideas about self-care and stress management from Military Family Life:

• Take a Deep Breath and Exhale Stress
• Managing Stress: Self-Care is Not Selfish

The post Turn Your Military Life Stress into Strength appeared first on Military Family Life.

“You can be respectful of boundaries and that [everyone] gets to have emotions and things they don’t want to share,” Rachel says. “But you can discuss the positive things you’ve written about with one another, and that can train your brain to look for more positive.”

Model Behavior

This can be an important exercise for parents to do with children, especially if the child may be reluctant to journal at first. According to Rachel, the best way to encourage children with an aversion to the activity is to model the behavior the parent would like to see.

“If a parent is doing it, kids will follow suit,” she says. “In any parenting situation, I advise parents to narrate their own thinking. Kids can’t learn from you if it’s just happening in your head.”

For example, a parent can say something like, “I’m struggling with this emotion. I’m going to sit down and journal about it. Do you want to sit with me?” By inviting their children to be a part of the process of journaling and expressing some thoughts out loud, parents can show children the benefits of journaling without telling them to do it.

Make a Judgement-Free Zone

It’s important for children to feel safe expressing (or not expressing) some of their emotions from their journal. But for them to feel safe, parents need to put the emphasis on the act of journaling—not the outcome of the journaling, says Rachel.

“Stop focusing on a child’s outcome. Focus on the improvement, effort, and process,” she says.

The more a child—or an adult, for that matter—journals, the more likely they may be to open up about those emotions, because they’ve had a chance to gain a bit of control over the way they are feeling.

“Processing through writing is very beneficial. We know the benefits of mindfulness and it’s the same thing,” Rachel says. “Get out of your head and write it down. One of the most important skills we can teach children is to recognize and analyze their own emotions.”

Build a Routine

Whether the routine is bedtime stories or Sunday pancakes, Rachel says the best way to incorporate journaling discussions is to build it into a routine.

“Whatever routines and rituals are already present, just build it in. Eventually it just becomes something you do,” she says. “You can be drawing versus writing. Anything that helps. Just build a daily or weekly habit.”

The time in-between family sessions can be just as important as the time in them, though. As children are learning to process their emotions, they need encouragement, space, and time, says Rachel.

Rachel’s journals for military families include Deployment Journal for Kids (2^nd edition), Deployment Journal for Spouses (3^rd edition), and Deployment Journal for Parents.

An author and educator focused on child development, Rachel Robertson combined her professional training and personal experience supporting herself and her two children through her husband’s military deployments to create a series of journals for families during deployment. All of her journals have been published by Elva Resa Publishing.

You may also be interested in reading:

Write It Out: Journals Help Kids Process Emotions (Military Family Life)
Journaling is a great way to help kids sort out the feelings they have about military life. The benefits of journaling are numerous. Rachel offers suggestions to help kids of any age get started with a journal, grouped by tips for kids in preschool, grade school, middle and high school.

Four Healthy Benefits of Journaling During Deployment (Military Family Life)
Self-care and self-expression are important for military spouses going through the stresses of deployment, and journaling during deployment provides both, says Rachel. She shares thoughts about four key benefits.

The post Journaling Together as a Family appeared first on Military Family Life.

Start a New Hobby or Invest in an Existing One

Having a hobby is a great way for children to develop creativity, ownership, and pride in their abilities. If your child already has a hobby, consider a special gift to further their interest. For example, if they love to paint, purchase a special paint or brush set. If they don’t yet have a hobby, talk with them about their interests and see if they may want to give something new a try.

Enjoy Weekly Fun Night

Pick a night, Friday, for example, and give your child the power to decide what the family does for every Friday night in April. Whether it’s an activity like watching a movie or choosing what dinner will be, encourage them to make plans and then have fun doing those things!

Wear Purple

This one is on every list to celebrate Month of the Military Child, and for a good reason! Purple Up! Day gives Americans the opportunity to wear purple in support of military children, thanking them for their strength and sacrifices. The official Purple Up! Day, established by the Department of Defense Education Activity (DoDEA), is April 15, but individual state calendars may designate a different day. Help your child pick out their favorite purple apparel or, if the budget allows, help them pick out a new purple piece to add to their wardrobe!

Talk to Teachers

We know military children have unique challenges when it comes to school. Those challenges are amplified when school is virtual or hybrid and students don’t have the face-to-face time with their peers and teachers. Involving a teacher or coach in celebrations can be a nice surprise for your military child—and it may even be a positive effect for other military-connected students in the school.

Involve Your Kids!

Ask your children what would make them feel special throughout the month. There’s a good chance it may not take much to make them feel seen, appreciated, and loved. Perhaps they would love to make homemade pizza, eat their favorite ice cream, or spend quality time playing games with their family. Maybe they would like to write in a new journal, go on a hike, or stay in their pajamas and read books all day! You never know unless you ask!

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