Military spouses face unique barriers to employment, such as frequent moves and deployments, contributing to a 22 percent unemployment rate. The National Military Spouse Network (NMSN) has been spearheading a grassroots effort to bring forward legislation to help. The Military Spouse Hiring Act is the closest it has ever been to being passed, and you can help!

The Military Spouse Hiring Act is a set of two identical bills in the US House and Senate, known as HR2974/S3909, that would expand the Work Opportunity Tax Credit (WOTC) to include military spouses. The WOTC is a federal tax credit available to employers who invest in American job seekers who have consistently faced barriers to employment.

Both bills have been introduced to Congress with bipartisan support. Representative Don Beyer [D-VA-8] and Senator Tim Kaine [D-VA] sponsored the bills, and there are more than 280 cosponsors in the House and 53 cosponsors in the Senate. As Congress enters what is known as the “lame duck” season, where new leaders have been elected but are not yet in office, work is still being done to try to push this legislation through Congress and onto the President’s desk by the end of the year.

Rep. Beyer and Sen. Kaine are exploring ways to pass the bills this year, either by putting them on the consent calendar or adding the WOTC change as an amendment to another bill that must pass this year, such as appropriations. Rep. Beyer said HR2974 is his number one priority, and he will do his best to get it over the finish line. If the bills do not pass, the process will start over with a new Congress, where there is no guarantee of the same support.

Military members make up a small percentage of the population and many members of Congress don’t understand the impact of military service on military families. We have an opportunity to use our military life stories to help Congress understand how their support of legislation like the Military Spouse Hiring Act will have an immediate positive impact.

Four easy things you can do today:

1. Call members of Congress to thank them for their co-sponsorship of the Military Spouse Hiring Act. Check to see co-sponsors here: HR2974/S3909.
2. Call the staff and offices of Rep. Beyer and Sen. Kaine to thank them for their leadership on this important issue.
3. Call the offices of the US senators and US representatives from your state to tell them how important these bills are and ask for their support to pass the bills before the end of the current legislative session. Tell them your personal story to help them understand the challenges military spouses face. In this time of great political division, it is especially important to remind political leaders that this issue is bipartisan.
4. Invite your representatives to come to your base so they can hear from military spouses directly about their experiences.

Your voice is so important to keep the grassroots momentum going! Four years ago, 24 military spouses visited congressional offices on Capitol Hill to share the challenges and offer suggestions about what legislators could do to help. Today, the Military Spouse Hiring Act, HR2974/S3909, is so close to being passed!

As NMSN’s president, Sue Hoppin, says: “If we ever hope to make significant and lasting change for military spouses on the issue of employment, we need to reinvigorate the same community effort that successfully turned the tide for veteran employment a decade ago.”

Additional Advocacy

Legislation is only part of NMSN’s advocacy. In The 2022 NMSN White Paper, they highlight the work they have done and continue to do. Their main focus has been gathering data. While there have been many military spouse programs implemented, the data to see if these metrics are working is not there.

For instance, this year the Department of Defense (DoD) announced that for the first time, all military spouses would be able to participate in its biennial Active Duty Spouse Survey. However, the questions were shortened, with only four multiple choice questions and one open ended question. While it is great that all military spouses were included, the lack of information and data collected will continue to limit progress without a baseline assessment.

Another area of advocacy that NMSN is focused on is military spouse under-employment. If spouses are unable to secure employment or forced to take a pay decrease at a new location due to a move, it exacerbates already-tough financial challenges faced by military families both during and after military service. Spouses face being stationed in locations where work options are unavailable, or the timing of a move negatively impacts their eligibility for 401(k)s or Individual Retirement Accounts.

According to Sue, “Unfortunately, too often announcements touting successful military spouse employment initiatives can also be unintentionally misleading. In many instances, those employment successes combine veteran and military spouse hiring initiatives and reflect a single point in time. Even if a spouse successfully gains employment at one assignment, they may find themselves in an entirely different labor market just 18 months later. A military spouse’s inability to retain employment through a PCS transition also means greater challenges qualifying for employment-related benefits like career development, advancement and vesting of employer contributions to retirement funds.”

NMSN’s recommendations:

1. The DoD should create a standard set of metrics to evaluate programs for their impact.
2. Congress should study the inability of military spouses to benefit from financial vesting programs due to military service.
3. The Domestic Employee Teleworking Overseas (DETO) program should be expanded to ensure that military spouses who secure employment with a federal department or agency are able to maintain their employment during assignments overseas.
4. An SBA Small Business Concern classification should be created specifically for military spouses.
5. Congress should consider authorizing the development of a military spouse experience map through the lens of employment.

NMSN will continue to advocate for all military spouses no matter what stage of their employment journey they are in. “While the NMSN may focus primarily on military spouse professionals, we know that NMSN’s work also supports the military spouse who needs a job just to make ends meet during a transition. NMSN promotes inclusive collaboration on military spouse employment by advocating for all military spouses no matter where they are in their employment journey,” Sue says.

To explore the challenges military spouses face and the lack of data for military spouse unemployment in more depth, read Sue’s letter. To learn more about NMSN, head to their website or connect with Sue. Watch for the new 2023 White Paper on January 25, 2023.

Photo: At a December 2022 roundtable, National Military Spouse Network President Sue Hoppin talked with Congressman Don Beyer and Professor Janet Breslin Smith about the Military Spouse Hiring Act. The discussion was presented by USAA, with Mike Kelly attending.

Amanda Huffman is a veteran, military spouse, podcaster (Women of the Military), and the author of A Girl’s Guide to Military Service.

The post Military Spouse Hiring Act: 4 Ways to Take Action Now! appeared first on Military Family Life.

The COVID-19 pandemic shifted the world to a remote-first approach to work, making a home office more of a requirement than option for many. For those not used to working from home, navigating the distractions of a blended home-work life can be exhausting.

Even the most disciplined workers may find themselves inserted into a shifting puzzle of caring for younger children, virtual school days, multiple adults working from home, and simultaneous video calls. Remote work can also feel isolating, especially for military spouses who are home alone during the day, stationed far away from extended family, or going through a spouse’s deployment.

There are many ways to succeed at remote work. Whether you are making the best of your current temporary situation, or wanting to make remote work more permanent, knowing what helps you perform your best everyday will help you stay calm and productive.

Military spouse and author Laura Briggs has worked remotely for eight years. Laura offers four tips to make working remotely work for you: manage your time, create boundaries, overcommunicate, and practice self care.

Manage Your Time

When Laura first began her remote work journey, one of her biggest challenges was learning how to manage her schedule so she could be productive.

“You need to be intentional with your time working from home,” Laura says. “Part of it is knowing what you can reasonably accomplish in a day’s amount of work. For example, I have meetings all day Tuesdays, so I’ll never assign myself a task on Tuesdays.”

Keep track of which hours are your best thinking hours. If you’re a morning person, tackle more complex projects early in the day and save routine tasks for the afternoon.

Keep your work area organized so you can easily locate and avoid misplacing work papers. Although your coworkers may not be able to see your clutter-free workspace, your time will be more focused and efficient.

Create Boundaries

A dedicated home office space is imperative for remote work. If you are interviewing for positions, potential employers want to ensure candidates have a professional setting with good lighting and reliable internet. If you are transitioning your role from in-office to remote, you want to ensure the separation of work and home life can remain intact.

Ideally, you want to work in a room away from the dishes, laundry, or TV. If space constraints put your home office in your family room or at your kitchen table, create a separation of work-home through your actions.

“It personally helps me to get dressed every single day before work,” Laura says. “My coworkers … know I will always show up to the video call with hair and makeup done and an official outfit.”

While working in sweats may be just fine for your productivity, there are other ways to get your remote workday off to a good start. Daily coffee or tea, a morning stretch or mediation session, or listening to a podcast that you would’ve listened to on your drive into the office are a few ways you can put your mindset into work mode.

It’s also important to develop ground rules to avoid work disruptions. For example, a closed door could be a signal to your spouse or children that you are busy and shouldn’t be disturbed unless there is an emergency (give them examples of what you consider an emergency). A door cracked open could mean they can knock to see if it’s okay to come in.

Overcommunicate

Consistent, clear communication is important at work and home.

Talk with your colleagues about your weekly goals, and check in with each other to offer support throughout the week. When your plate is full, tell your supervisor, team, and other departments you can’t take on more work.

Let coworkers know how and when is best to communicate with you. Be aware of your tone and how what you say may be interpreted, especially in an email.

Talk with your family about your work responsibilities. Get everyone on board with your goals and schedule. This will help reinforce boundaries (like when they are allowed to interrupt your work day) and help them understand why this job is important to you.

Practice Self Care

Working remotely, while more flexible, requires a similar self-care routine as commuting to a job outside the home. It may be even more important if you work from home alone.

Take breaks in between project tasks or virtual meetings. Set an alarm to remind you to get up from your computer and drink a glass of water. Schedule time for a walk outside.

Pay attention to ergonomics. A sore neck, tired eyes, tight shoulder, or stiff hips are signs you may need to adjust your seat, keyboard, or monitor. Move and stretch often.

Keep work hours to the amount of time you’ve agreed to with your supervisor. If you own your own business, set guidelines for yourself (and any employees) that will clearly signal when it’s time to turn your attention to personal items.

It’s easy to let work stress slip into the rest of your family life, especially when your commute home from the office means turning a doorknob. An end-of-day ritual that creates separation physically and mentally can help you manage stress and effectively transition from work mindset to being fully present for your family or your own personal time.

At the end of the day, “I turn my computer off. I close the lid. I shut the door to the home office,” says Laura.

Laura Briggs is writing a book about remote work for military spouses, to be published in 2022 by Elva Resa Publishing.

The post Make Working Remotely Work for You appeared first on Military Family Life.

When it comes to altered holiday plans, curtailed travel, and limited family gatherings, military families might wonder what all the fuss is about. We’ve been here before. Yes, we get it. It’s hard to be outside those holiday comfort zones, but we’ve learned that unusual times can inspire new ways to celebrate, ways that are still meaningful and memorable. Perhaps our experiences can offer a glimmer of hope for civilian friends and neighbors in this pandemic season.

When the holidays roll around, a military family often can’t gather around the holiday table with grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles. We may be in a new location without a large friend group—yet. Deployment or other circumstances might separate us from our spouses or—for active duty members—our children. Each holiday season is different from the last, so we don’t get used to the changes, we adapt.

It’s hard to be outside our comfort zones at the holidays, but we’ve learned that unusual times can inspire new ways to celebrate, ways that are still meaningful and memorable.

Whether stationed overseas or across the country, military families can’t rely on the comfort of visiting the same local light display or Christmas tree farm every year. We might be living in the mountains, the desert, or the tropics. It’s not as glamorous as it sounds. Sometimes it’s just lonely, but the lessons we’ve learned in those those difficult seasons could be helpful to military and civilians families this year. For everyone facing an unusual or difficult holiday season, here are some new ways to celebrate special days:

Lean on Friends

We may not have invented “framily”—friends who become like family—but military families knew it was a thing long before it had a name. We’ve celebrated some wonderful holidays with good friends when we couldn’t be with our family. If a big group isn’t practical, get together with a couple of friends. If gatherings aren’t possible, or if neighbors aren’t friends yet, connect by dropping off homemade holiday decorations or treats. Use this season to build new relationships. You might find someone else in need of friends to lean on.

Enjoy Simplicity

Sure, those big family gatherings are a lot of chaotic fun, but why not take advantage of simpler days while they’re available? Limited holiday options might mean less stress and money spent coordinating travel, preparing big meals, and making time for all the relatives. That also means more room to reflect on the meaning of holiday observances; more space to be mindful of moments with just a few special people. Chaos will surely return. For now, enjoy the benefits of quieter days while they’re here.

Branch Out

A pared down holiday offers another thing most holidays are short on: time. Holiday busy-ness doesn’t always leave time to try something new, but if this holiday is less full and busy, it could provide opportunities to branch out. Perhaps that could include sharing with someone in need, preparing meals, delivering food or clothing. Branching out could also include exploring where you are. Every time and place has its own flavor and opportunities that might not come again. Find something unique to the location or culture and incorporate it into the celebration this year. These experiences can create treasured memories and new traditions.

Be Present

Even if this isn’t the holiday you hoped for, it’s one that will never come again. Be there for it. Next year you might be with the loved ones you’re missing today, but for now enjoy the ones you’re with. Store up memories and stories to tell around the fire in years to come. Make a gratitude list. In every year there’s something to be thankful for, and your list may be longer than you realize.

Even in challenging times, celebrations are important. They remind us of what is essential, even when—or because—we have to be apart. With intentionality and openness to new experiences, even a difficult holiday can be a meaningful one.

Terri Barnes is the author of Spouse Calls: Messages From a Military Life, based on her long-running column in Stars and Stripes. She and her Air Force husband and their military family have celebrated unusual and meaningful holidays on multiple continents—sometimes on separate continents. Terri is also the editor of multiple award-winning books from Elva Resa Publishing.

More ideas and encouragement for the holidays:

• Keeping Traditions in Transition: Making Spirits Bright
• Deployment Holidays: Finding Reasons to Celebrate

The post New Ways to Celebrate: Military Life Offers Inspiration appeared first on Military Family Life.

“I don’t advise spouses to join a group to network if they’re just checking a box,” says Sue, an Air Force spouse. “That may sound counterintuitive from someone who runs a networking organization, but we need to change our mindset about what networking is. It should be organic, something that’s part of our everyday life, because every day is an opportunity to engage with people.” 

Some connections may be helpful in more ways than one, but relationships are likely to be stronger if they’re built on shared experience and genuine interest in others rather than self-interest. 

“I don’t want to see spouses falling into a serial-networking trap rather than developing real relationships.” Says Sue. “Those relationships are so important in military life.” 

Meaningful engagement can happen in the neighborhood, in a faith community, book club, or even at the commissary—anywhere people come together. This kind of networking is less about work and more about getting to know people. Joining a group for the purpose of career networking can’t replace having real relationships, where mutual helpfulness flourishes naturally. 

” … we need to change our mindset about what networking is. It should be organic, something that’s part of our everyday life, because every day is an opportunity to engage with people.”

–Sue Hoppin

“When you’re in the business of maintaining relationships, you don’t know how those relationships can benefit someone or what good things they will eventually accomplish,” she says. “Networking is a two-way street. It’s not all about what you can get from someone else. You also should think about what you can do for them.” 

Any relationship grows stronger when the participants look for ways to help one another, and networking can provide opportunities to pay it forward to other military spouses and friends. 

“Just because you and I have a relationship, and I may be in a position to help you, doesn’t necessarily mean you will be in a position to help me in return,” she says. “Our connection may or may not be helpful somewhere down the line, but that shouldn’t matter. I believe in putting good energy and good information out in the world. Something you can do might help someone else in ways you never expected.”

The best way to create networks and relationships, says Sue, is to focus on the person rather than what that person can do or who else they know.

“Put yourself out there and build authentic relationships,” she says, “that’s where the magic happens, not when we’re thinking of these relationships as purely transactional. Those least effective at networking are the ones keeping score. We can all help each other, and it’s those mutually beneficial relationships that help everything run.” 

Sue Hoppin wrote the essay “With a Little Help From My Friends” in Stories Around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life.

Connect with more expertise from Sue and other military spouses at the National Military Spouse Network website. Listen to Straight Talk with Sue every Monday at noon Eastern on the NMSN Facebook page, and check out the NMSN Instagram Live each Wednesday at 11:30 a.m. Eastern.

The post Meaningful Connections Create Strong Networks appeared first on Military Family Life.

“For me, the most stressful part of a PCS is all the decisions that need to be made,” says Marine spouse Lizann Lightfoot, blogger at The Seasoned Spouse and author of the upcoming book, Open When You Love Someone in the Military. “I like to take time and research the options and weigh the pros and cons before making a big decision. A PCS is usually a whole string of decisions that need to be made quickly.”

Kellie Artis, army spouse and chief operating officer for Millie, says the unknowns of moving cause her the most stress, and those unknowns complicate all the decisions to be made.

“I have a hard time with abstract or ambiguous, and what is a PCS if not both of those things?” she says. “Moving to a new city is a bit frightening. You may not know what to expect when it comes to the culture, climate, commutes, all sorts of things.”

Finding out as much as possible about a new location as soon as possible helps Kelly alleviate her stress and apprehension.

“I immerse myself in research to try and get the full picture of what our lives will look like at the next duty,” she says. “I also firmly believe in making informed decisions based on fact and reality, so having a trusted place to turn to for information is key.”

Good communication helps military families reduce stress during a move, and Lizann recognizes it’s not always easy to keep that balance, when each spouse has different ways of handling the situation.

“It’s very difficult to truly make decisions together as a couple during a PCS move,” she says. “My husband excels in that environment (of transition), and he slips into military leader mode. The more I hesitate, the more he takes charge, then I feel even more stressed. Not only am I responsible for all the details for myself and our five children—I also feel like my ideas aren’t being heard or valued.”

Kellie and Lizann offer these ten ways to check stress at every stage of a move:

1 ~ Lizann: As a couple, my husband and I reduce conflict with regular conversations and check-ins about big decisions we have to make about schedules, housing, or schools.

2 ~ Kellie: I learn as much as I possibly can about the place we’re moving to and start to embrace the base before we get there to save time once we arrive. What are the schools like? Where is Target? What is there to do on the weekends?

3 ~ Lizann: Before we leave, we plan some family activities to take everyone’s mind off the move. Local activities from our “bucket list” or dinner out at a favorite restaurant.

4 ~ Kellie: If you have children, involve them at an age-appropriate level so they feel like participants and not baggage!

5 ~ Lizann: We give our kids opportunities to say goodbye to their favorite people and places.

6 ~ Kellie: Plan your route to include a few fun (and COVID-Safe) stops like National Parks and other outdoor adventures.

7 ~ Lizann: After we move, we use some of my husband’s leave days to do fun family events in the new area. This helps us begin to feel like locals in our new town.

8 ~ Kellie: We try to settle into a new place as quickly as possible, and this means meeting people as well as unpacking boxes. Don’t skip opportunities to connect with your neighbors or community because you’re buried in packing paper.

9 and 10 ~ Lizann and Kellie agree that organization and self-care are both important ways to alleviate PCS stress. They advise creating a PCS binder or file to keep track of important paperwork, checklists, receipts, and other essentials. This saves time and reduces worry, which makes more time for self-care: plenty of sleep, connection with friends, exercise, and healthy meals whenever possible.

More helpful ideas for PCS season from Military Family Life:

• Moving Kids: 5 Healthy Ways to Handle PCS
• Maria Reed’s Top Tips for Making a House a Home
• Get Organized for the Next Move

The post Ten Ways to Keep PCS Stress in Check appeared first on Military Family Life.

Feeling at home makes a difference to military families in important ways, says Maria, whose show features  surprise home makeovers for military families, helping them create a sense of home wherever they live.

“Having a place to call home contributes to our emotional well-being, self-esteem, and self-confidence, and is vital to being mission-ready,” she says. “Military families spend a lot of time away from their traditional support systems. They build resiliency by finding a home, forming strong bonds in their military community. It may feel like the only family they have.”

“Having a place to call home contributes to our emotional well-being, self-esteem, and self-confidence, and is vital to being mission-ready.”

–Maria Reed

On her makeover show, Maria helps military families personalize their homes, offering strategies to make the most of living spaces, both practically and aesthetically. She believes it’s important to prioritize moving into a new space and getting settled as part of acclimating to a new duty assignment.

“Military families learn to be at home everywhere, but connectedness often centers around items in our homes which evoke memories,” Maria says. “It’s important for us to feel at home in the house we live in.”

Don’t Wait

Military families don’t have the luxury of time when it comes to moving in and decorating a home.

“Do it now!” says Maria.

After moving to a new place, Maria begins by getting her two children settled in their spaces and including them in the process.

“Moving is a great time to redesign their space with a new theme, bedding, or color. They need to feel comfortable in their new space,” Maria says. In the upheaval of a move, kids appreciate having some control over their lives and living space.

Next, Maria’s family designates an area for a “command center,” a place to put backpacks and shoes, as well as post the family calendar and schedule.

“Everything flows from there,” she says, adding that the location may differ in every house. “We have had command centers in garages, laundry rooms, storage closets.”

Even after getting settled, Maria says there are many ways to give living spaces home-like qualities and make them more useful, too. Sometimes just rearranging the furniture can make a difference. She says furniture placement and use of space should fit the flow and pattern of activities in the home.

For making home anywhere on a military budget, Maria offers these tips and techniques:

Shop at Home

Evaluate the accessories or fixtures you already have and try them out in other spaces. The best time to do this is right before or after a move, but you can do it anytime. Sometimes with all the packing and moving around, we forget what we even have. A quick sweep of all your rooms might spark new placement ideas for an old lamp that’s been sitting in a back room. Instead of buying a new piece of furniture, refurbish an existing piece with chalk paint, stain, or decoupage.

Top to Bottom

Use vertical spaces as well as horizontal. When items go up on walls we tend to feel more grounded in that space. Hang curtains, install shelves and art work. For the floors, whether we rent, buy or live on post, I am a fan of large area rugs. They can disguise a less-than-desirable floor, and they add color, visual interest and texture. Layering rugs over rugs is great, too.

Add Accents

Enjoy a fresh coat of paint and a pop of color! Paint or removable wallpaper on an accent or focal wall can make an impact on the overall feel of a space. So what if you have to paint it back to the original color? Do it! Also, when you purchase large pieces of furniture, keep it neutral. Then you can add pops of color with handmade throw pillows and accessories.

Collection or Clutter

Group like items and display them as a collection. We tend to buy a lot of little décor items, maybe because they’re affordable or because we’re living in a small space; and small items are easier to pack and move. I totally get that. So now, what do you do to keep these from looking like clutter? Gather all your artwork and accessories and look at what you have and group like items together. When displaying items of the same height, elevate a few using a plinth. (Anything can be a plinth, a from a piece of wood to a stack of books.) Displaying objects at varying heights will gives a more designer look.

Oh, the Places You’ve Been

Create a gallery wall. Can you have too many photos? Not on social media, but for your home? Well, maybe. To emphasize your favorites for a cohesive display, make large prints of a few of your favorite photos and display them together. Maps and artifacts from your travels add dimension to the story-telling power of the gallery. Then, use a digital frame to include more photos and continue telling your stories.

Go Green

Adding plants to a space makes any room feel alive and helps improve the air quality. Use plants to create a visual interest by hanging them on a wall, or on shelves. Put a plant on the floor to fill a corner or on a table to add color. Keep in mind amount of sunlight in your space when choosing plants. Choose plants that are easy to grow. Faux plants look great too.

“Environment is important to the wellbeing of any family, especially a home environment,” says Maria. “For us, answering the question, ‘Where is home?’ can be tough, but it’s not about geography. Home is anywhere we find security, control, belonging, identity, peace. It is a place to heal from the challenges of military life.”

Finding a sense of home takes work and intention in a mobile life, but it’s certainly possible, says Maria. From stateside and overseas, military quarters to civilian neighborhoods, military families can create home anywhere.

Ways to declutter and Get Organized for the Next Move

More decorating tips from Maria Reed

Feature about Maria Reed for AUSA by Terri Barnes

Episodes of Moving with the Military

The post Maria Reed’s Top Tips for Making a House a Home appeared first on Military Family Life.

Terri Barnes, the author of Spouse Calls: Messages from a Military Life, says it’s important to talk to kids about the good and the bad of each move to help them through the experience. An Air Force spouse, Terri shepherded her three children through dozens of school changes and moves, as well as writing extensively about mobility as a military family columnist for Stars and Stripes.

“Transitions are part of every life, military or civilian,” she says. “Change is hard. Moving is hard, especially when we’re in the thick of it, but when we make it through as a family, it makes us stronger together and individually. Successful transitions give kids confidence they can navigate other challenges.”

“Transitions are part of every life, military or civilian … Successful transitions give kids confidence they can navigate other challenges.” ~Terri Barnes

Terri offers these suggestions for healthy ways to guide children through the emotions and experiences of moving:

Keep a Positive Attitude

Military parents and other experts agree children of any age react and respond to the attitudes of their parents. A parent’s positive outlook about moving fosters optimism for kids. Don’t promise a new place will be better, and don’t pressure kids to be happy about moving, but do show an open mind about the new experience ahead.

Model positive thinking and hopefulness. Moving involves anxiety and uncertainty for kids and parents alike, and honest age-appropriate conversations are important. However, it’s best to vent strong adult reactions and frustrations with other adults and not with children.

Make Time to Grieve

While it’s important to be positive, it’s also necessary to be honest about the difficult parts of moving. Moving involves loss, so it is healthy and necessary to grieve those losses. Give children time and space to talk about the move and cry about it if they want to. Let them know they are not alone in their sorrow.

In ways appropriate to each child’s understanding, parents can talk about what they will miss when they move, reassuring kids it’s okay to be sad, that sadness won’t last forever, and the family will stick together throughout.

“When my kids were sad, I didn’t want them to think they were alone,” says Terri. “Sometimes I talked about the friends I would miss and how I was sad too. At the same time, I reassured them we could live through it together.”

Look Back

Remind kids about previous move experiences and talk about how they felt before and after. This helps them remember how they succeeded in a new place before, and they can succeed and make friends again. If they are open to it, talk to children about what they would like to do the same or differently in an upcoming move. Encourage them to set goals and to recognize ways they have grown through the challenges of moving.

Not every departure is a sad one. Sometimes a move takes a child away from a difficult school situation or peer group. Talk about what kids are happy to leave behind and ways they hope their new school or community will be different. If appropriate, brainstorm ways they might be able to create better situations or relationships at a new place. Talk about what those difficult situations or relationships may have taught them.

Offer Choices

When it comes to military moves, so much is beyond the control of children—and parents too. Look for ways to give kids some control over their circumstances:

• Find ways kids can help with preparations for the move.

  

• Saying goodbye is important. Set aside time for children to say goodbye to friends, teachers, and any significant people in their lives. Talk to each child about how and when he or she would like to say goodbye. Some kids love a party, but others may prefer more low-key farewells. Parties can be overwhelming for some children, so be attentive to their wishes and temperaments.
• Let children plan the décor and arrangements for their bedrooms and play spaces in their new home.
• Encourage kids to look for interesting activities in the new community. Is there a national park or another attraction nearby? An interesting museum or park? Help them look forward and plan ways the family can get to know their new neighborhood after the move.

Provide Structure

The days before, during, and after a move can be chaotic. Try to maintain familiar routines as much as possible. Establish moving traditions and rituals, like a special take-out meal on moving day, building box castles after unpacking, or placing a traditional first picture or piece of furniture in a new home.

Although there are plenty of ways to handle transition in healthy ways, no one really gets used to moving, Terri cautions. She emphasizes the importance of setting reasonable expectations and giving kids time and space to adjust after moving.

“When it comes to moving, practice does not make perfect. It’s a new world each time.”

–Terri Barnes

“Each move is different. Everyone in the family will experience it differently and have emotional reactions that require care and attention,” she says. “As kids grow, moves will probably get harder instead of easier, because friends become more and more important to them. They will need more time to reconnect and find friends. When it comes to moving, practice does not make perfect. It’s a new world each time.”

Growth comes from facing challenges in healthy ways, and Terri says it’s good to help military kids remember every family faces difficulty, not just military families. For any of life’s challenges, children benefit from open communication and encouragement to look for ways to grow through difficulty.

“I never wanted my kids to feel sorry for themselves or think military life was all hardship. There are so many positives to this life. It’s healthy to accept the good and the bad, to learn how to handle the challenges that are part of every life. It’s not just about surviving one move—or ten. It’s about learning to survive and grow for a lifetime.”

Terri Barnes is the senior editor at Elva Resa Publishing and has written and contributed to several books about military life including Spouse Calls: Messages From a Military Life, and Stories Around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life. Terri’s three military children attended more than 25 schools from Pre-K to high school graduation.

More helpful information about transitions for military children on SeasonsofMyMilitaryStudent.com:

• New School: 5 Tips to Prepare Your Student 
• Good Goodbyes Build Resilience and Strong Relationships
• About the Seasons of Transition^TM

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None of that prepared her for what happened when her husband, Brad, got an overseas assignment, arguably when she was at the top of her professional game.

“It was a major career hit for me,” Jacey says. “My phone fell silent. I went from 250 emails a day to a Talbots ad and an invitation to a coffee morning. None of the local companies were hiring people who did not speak fluent Norwegian. I felt like I lost myself.”

When Brad’s next assignment brought the couple back to the U.S. Jacey knew picking up where she left off in her stateside career was not an option. She’d have to do what military spouses often have to do: start again.

“I did not know what to do, so I planted a bunch of career seeds at once. Some grew, and some did not,” she says. “I started researching how other people handled significant life change and shared strategies online, and the Next Door Project was born.”

“The world gives you little hints about what you should be doing,” says Jacey. “You just have to pay attention.”

The Next Door Project is a platform for Jacey’s speaking, consulting, career coaching, and writing endeavors. True to her experience, her specialty is helping people in transition to look for, create, and recognize opportunities. Jacey offers these tips for managing career transitions:

Know your local environment.

“Get local contacts and local interests. People get jobs through contacts.”

Know what you have to offer.

“Identify what you have to sell in the marketplace.”

Know what the world needs.

“Identify what the market is willing to buy. That takes some experimenting,”

Know your priorities.

“Be honest about what you really want in your heart of hearts and soul of souls. I want to have lots of time to write, and I want live where Brad lives. I’m willing to sacrifice some career stability to get those two things.”

More training or education may be helpful, but it’s not the most important thing, Jacey says.

“One of the most common mistakes we military spouses make is to keep going back to school, hoping to make ourselves more marketable. Instead, we need to work on making ourselves more local. Unless a degree is required to get a license in your field, like law, teaching, or nursing, don’t get another degree.”

Even with goals in mind, the right training, and local contacts, career transitions are difficult. Maintaining personal balance and self-confidence is a challenge, as is determining what job will be the right fit.

Jacey says one of the hardest things she had to do in her latest transition is to redefine her expectations of what the right job would look like.

“I heard about a part-time job that would let me teach new veterans how to get jobs, but I was worried that it was not a logical step up for me. I’d be a red-shoe gal in a brown-shoe world,” she says. “Then I found out how much I had to learn about the topic, how it was an epic task for veterans, a group I care about most in the world.”

It was a challenge she couldn’t refuse. She took the job and says it’s one of the best she’s ever had. Still she admits finding the next door of opportunity is never easy, even with years of experience. For reassurance and stability, she goes back to what is most important to her.

“I’d love to tell you that I am a Mrs. Miniver, totally unruffled by the slings and arrows of military life,” Jacey says. “Really, I’m a squirrel, and I am totally ruffled and freaking out all the time about work. Brad is my rock. And, to be fair, Starbucks. The habit of writing every day at Starbucks keeps me productive, no matter what.”

Jacey Eckhart is a coauthor of Stories around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life, author of The Homefront Club, and the creator of the Next Door Project.

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In military life, holiday traditions are like military families: portable and adaptable. Because they celebrate in many different circumstances and locations—sometimes even in mid-move—military families look for creative ways to make spirits bright and maintain traditions in transition. 

“We purposefully established traditions that travel well,” says Amy Bushatz, Army wife, executive editor at Military.com and a coauthor of Stories Around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom and Strength in Military Life. “On Christmas Eve, we seek out a local light display and then have dinner at a greasy-spoon diner, a place virtually guaranteed to exist in every single town in America.” If they are not able to celebrate on the actual holiday, Amy said her family designates their own date to celebrate. 

Army wife Maria Reed is the host and creator of Moving With the Military, a home improvement and lifestyle series for military families. For Maria, the atmosphere of her home is important, especially at the holidays.

“My home is not just four walls. This is my life. My children are growing up here. This is where we find the love and joy of being a military family.”

— Maria Reed

Even if a holiday coincides with a move, and everything is still in boxes, Maria’s advice is still the same: Don’t hesitate. Decorate! “Put up the tree,” she says. “Get it up! If you don’t have your household goods, make ornaments with your kids. Use pine cones, glitter, make snowflakes from clothespins.”

Keeping old traditions in a new place sometimes takes initiative, and Navy wife and writer Alison Buckholtz is up to the challenge. Soon after a move, she helped create a celebration for her community as well as her family.   

“The first time I was too far from home to attend a family-led Passover seder, I wasn’t sure if I could put one together on my own, but I knew I had to try,” says Alison, author of Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War and coauthor of Stories Around the Table. Knowing other families also needed a place to go for the special meal, Alison and her husband opened their home to their new community.   

“It’s so important to our family to mark Jewish holidays wherever we are and to help others do the same,” she says. “During that Passover seder, our house was full of people who were just happy to spend the holiday together. It’s one of my happiest memories of that particular tour.”   

Many military families make it a practice to add new traditions to family celebrations or find new holidays to celebrate. Then, even when they’re doing something they’ve never done before, they’re practicing a family tradition: Weihnachtsmarkt in Europe, Tanabata in Japan, fiestas in Guam, or Mardi Gras in Louisiana.   

“I love to incorporate new traditions and foods into our holidays,” says Maria. “At Fort Stewart (Georgia) we learned about hummingbird cake. Now I make that cake for my family and share it with other military spouses.”   

Sharing is a tradition that’s welcome everywhere.

“Wherever we are, we bake goodies for our neighbors and those on duty at the gate,” says Air Force wife and Sarah Holtzmann, also a coauthor of Stories Around the Table. To show her children the importance of giving, Sarah enlists her children to help with delivering the treats in the neighborhood.

When living overseas far from family, any holiday becomes a reason to gather with military friends to celebrate. Maria suggests having a holiday potluck as a way to get acquainted with neighbors.   

For bringing the family together, even across the miles, a favorite holiday story is hard to beat, even over the phone or video link. “We listen to ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, as read by Grandma—by Facetime if we are not together,” says Sarah.   Feeling at home in a new place can be difficult at the holidays, but celebrations and traditions help create connections.   

“Find a love of home, where ever home is,” Maria says. “It doesn’t matter if it’s temporary. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Make it perfect for you with what you have now.” 

Sometimes it takes the simplest of things to make home just right. When Sarah’s new home didn’t have a fireplace for hanging stockings for Christmas, she got creative and made a wooden hanger where her kids could hang their stockings. “You could say I nailed it,” she quips—and the hanger can go with her family for the next move.   

Military families can make any holiday meaningful, even when celebrating their traditions in transition. All it takes is generosity, creativity, initiative—and maybe a hammer. 

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Stacy and Amanda recommend including work samples, letters and notes from teachers, a record of activities, and more, alongside essentials such as shot records and report cards. Parents, teachers, and the student can add a variety of material to the binder to create a complete picture of the student, personally and academically.

A well-stocked Education Binder can be useful in many ways:

• Samples of a student’s work, whether math homework or handwritten essays, present a broader picture of a student’s abilities than grades alone.
• An unofficial transcript can be used for provisional enrollment in a new school if an official transcript doesn’t arrive on time.
• Letters from sending teachers to receiving teachers about personality, preferences, and peer interactions help the teacher know the student better on the first day in a new classroom.
• A record of textbooks and workbooks used in classes will show the curricula a student has followed. A list of books the student has read is another good addition.
• Notes from past parent-teacher conferences or emails from teachers new teachers insights into the student’s learning styles and areas of strength.
• A record of awards, activities, and volunteerism show a student’s successes and outside interests.

“When we moved from Germany, our son’s records were late arriving back to the States,” says Stacy. “Because I had complete information in his Education Binder, things like past report cards, standardized tests, and examples of his work, the school was willing to place him at the right level of learning right away.”

A military student may change schools as many as nine times between preschool and high school graduation. A portable Education Binder can greatly reduce the impact of those changes.

Class placement is often affected by recommendations from previous teachers. A military student who is moving may not benefit from those recommendations if there’s a gap in teacher communications.

Letters from previous teachers in a binder can bridge that gap. This helps the receiving teacher and the student, says Amanda, who is a teacher as well as military parent. “More information about a new student lets me know where to seat the student and what skills or curriculum to focus on from the start,” she says. “Samples of the student’s work show me the student’s ability without having to do an assessment while the student is still adjusting to the classroom.”

Military families hand-carry many important documents when they are moving. Amanda and Stacy recommend hand-carrying an Education Binder for each student in the family. This important tool presents a student’s complete educational history to each new school.

Amanda Trimillos and Stacy Allsbrook-Huisman are the authors of Seasons of My Military Student: Practical Ideas for Parents and Teachers.

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