When it comes to altered holiday plans, curtailed travel, and limited family gatherings, military families might wonder what all the fuss is about. We’ve been here before. Yes, we get it. It’s hard to be outside those holiday comfort zones, but we’ve learned that unusual times can inspire new ways to celebrate, ways that are still meaningful and memorable. Perhaps our experiences can offer a glimmer of hope for civilian friends and neighbors in this pandemic season.

When the holidays roll around, a military family often can’t gather around the holiday table with grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles. We may be in a new location without a large friend group—yet. Deployment or other circumstances might separate us from our spouses or—for active duty members—our children. Each holiday season is different from the last, so we don’t get used to the changes, we adapt.

It’s hard to be outside our comfort zones at the holidays, but we’ve learned that unusual times can inspire new ways to celebrate, ways that are still meaningful and memorable.

Whether stationed overseas or across the country, military families can’t rely on the comfort of visiting the same local light display or Christmas tree farm every year. We might be living in the mountains, the desert, or the tropics. It’s not as glamorous as it sounds. Sometimes it’s just lonely, but the lessons we’ve learned in those those difficult seasons could be helpful to military and civilians families this year. For everyone facing an unusual or difficult holiday season, here are some new ways to celebrate special days:

Lean on Friends

We may not have invented “framily”—friends who become like family—but military families knew it was a thing long before it had a name. We’ve celebrated some wonderful holidays with good friends when we couldn’t be with our family. If a big group isn’t practical, get together with a couple of friends. If gatherings aren’t possible, or if neighbors aren’t friends yet, connect by dropping off homemade holiday decorations or treats. Use this season to build new relationships. You might find someone else in need of friends to lean on.

Enjoy Simplicity

Sure, those big family gatherings are a lot of chaotic fun, but why not take advantage of simpler days while they’re available? Limited holiday options might mean less stress and money spent coordinating travel, preparing big meals, and making time for all the relatives. That also means more room to reflect on the meaning of holiday observances; more space to be mindful of moments with just a few special people. Chaos will surely return. For now, enjoy the benefits of quieter days while they’re here.

Branch Out

A pared down holiday offers another thing most holidays are short on: time. Holiday busy-ness doesn’t always leave time to try something new, but if this holiday is less full and busy, it could provide opportunities to branch out. Perhaps that could include sharing with someone in need, preparing meals, delivering food or clothing. Branching out could also include exploring where you are. Every time and place has its own flavor and opportunities that might not come again. Find something unique to the location or culture and incorporate it into the celebration this year. These experiences can create treasured memories and new traditions.

Be Present

Even if this isn’t the holiday you hoped for, it’s one that will never come again. Be there for it. Next year you might be with the loved ones you’re missing today, but for now enjoy the ones you’re with. Store up memories and stories to tell around the fire in years to come. Make a gratitude list. In every year there’s something to be thankful for, and your list may be longer than you realize.

Even in challenging times, celebrations are important. They remind us of what is essential, even when—or because—we have to be apart. With intentionality and openness to new experiences, even a difficult holiday can be a meaningful one.

Terri Barnes is the author of Spouse Calls: Messages From a Military Life, based on her long-running column in Stars and Stripes. She and her Air Force husband and their military family have celebrated unusual and meaningful holidays on multiple continents—sometimes on separate continents. Terri is also the editor of multiple award-winning books from Elva Resa Publishing.

More ideas and encouragement for the holidays:

• Keeping Traditions in Transition: Making Spirits Bright
• Deployment Holidays: Finding Reasons to Celebrate

The post New Ways to Celebrate: Military Life Offers Inspiration appeared first on Military Family Life.

“For me, the most stressful part of a PCS is all the decisions that need to be made,” says Marine spouse Lizann Lightfoot, blogger at The Seasoned Spouse and author of the upcoming book, Open When You Love Someone in the Military. “I like to take time and research the options and weigh the pros and cons before making a big decision. A PCS is usually a whole string of decisions that need to be made quickly.”

Kellie Artis, army spouse and chief operating officer for Millie, says the unknowns of moving cause her the most stress, and those unknowns complicate all the decisions to be made.

“I have a hard time with abstract or ambiguous, and what is a PCS if not both of those things?” she says. “Moving to a new city is a bit frightening. You may not know what to expect when it comes to the culture, climate, commutes, all sorts of things.”

Finding out as much as possible about a new location as soon as possible helps Kelly alleviate her stress and apprehension.

“I immerse myself in research to try and get the full picture of what our lives will look like at the next duty,” she says. “I also firmly believe in making informed decisions based on fact and reality, so having a trusted place to turn to for information is key.”

Good communication helps military families reduce stress during a move, and Lizann recognizes it’s not always easy to keep that balance, when each spouse has different ways of handling the situation.

“It’s very difficult to truly make decisions together as a couple during a PCS move,” she says. “My husband excels in that environment (of transition), and he slips into military leader mode. The more I hesitate, the more he takes charge, then I feel even more stressed. Not only am I responsible for all the details for myself and our five children—I also feel like my ideas aren’t being heard or valued.”

Kellie and Lizann offer these ten ways to check stress at every stage of a move:

1 ~ Lizann: As a couple, my husband and I reduce conflict with regular conversations and check-ins about big decisions we have to make about schedules, housing, or schools.

2 ~ Kellie: I learn as much as I possibly can about the place we’re moving to and start to embrace the base before we get there to save time once we arrive. What are the schools like? Where is Target? What is there to do on the weekends?

3 ~ Lizann: Before we leave, we plan some family activities to take everyone’s mind off the move. Local activities from our “bucket list” or dinner out at a favorite restaurant.

4 ~ Kellie: If you have children, involve them at an age-appropriate level so they feel like participants and not baggage!

5 ~ Lizann: We give our kids opportunities to say goodbye to their favorite people and places.

6 ~ Kellie: Plan your route to include a few fun (and COVID-Safe) stops like National Parks and other outdoor adventures.

7 ~ Lizann: After we move, we use some of my husband’s leave days to do fun family events in the new area. This helps us begin to feel like locals in our new town.

8 ~ Kellie: We try to settle into a new place as quickly as possible, and this means meeting people as well as unpacking boxes. Don’t skip opportunities to connect with your neighbors or community because you’re buried in packing paper.

9 and 10 ~ Lizann and Kellie agree that organization and self-care are both important ways to alleviate PCS stress. They advise creating a PCS binder or file to keep track of important paperwork, checklists, receipts, and other essentials. This saves time and reduces worry, which makes more time for self-care: plenty of sleep, connection with friends, exercise, and healthy meals whenever possible.

More helpful ideas for PCS season from Military Family Life:

• Moving Kids: 5 Healthy Ways to Handle PCS
• Maria Reed’s Top Tips for Making a House a Home
• Get Organized for the Next Move

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Feeling at home makes a difference to military families in important ways, says Maria, whose show features  surprise home makeovers for military families, helping them create a sense of home wherever they live.

“Having a place to call home contributes to our emotional well-being, self-esteem, and self-confidence, and is vital to being mission-ready,” she says. “Military families spend a lot of time away from their traditional support systems. They build resiliency by finding a home, forming strong bonds in their military community. It may feel like the only family they have.”

“Having a place to call home contributes to our emotional well-being, self-esteem, and self-confidence, and is vital to being mission-ready.”

–Maria Reed

On her makeover show, Maria helps military families personalize their homes, offering strategies to make the most of living spaces, both practically and aesthetically. She believes it’s important to prioritize moving into a new space and getting settled as part of acclimating to a new duty assignment.

“Military families learn to be at home everywhere, but connectedness often centers around items in our homes which evoke memories,” Maria says. “It’s important for us to feel at home in the house we live in.”

Don’t Wait

Military families don’t have the luxury of time when it comes to moving in and decorating a home.

“Do it now!” says Maria.

After moving to a new place, Maria begins by getting her two children settled in their spaces and including them in the process.

“Moving is a great time to redesign their space with a new theme, bedding, or color. They need to feel comfortable in their new space,” Maria says. In the upheaval of a move, kids appreciate having some control over their lives and living space.

Next, Maria’s family designates an area for a “command center,” a place to put backpacks and shoes, as well as post the family calendar and schedule.

“Everything flows from there,” she says, adding that the location may differ in every house. “We have had command centers in garages, laundry rooms, storage closets.”

Even after getting settled, Maria says there are many ways to give living spaces home-like qualities and make them more useful, too. Sometimes just rearranging the furniture can make a difference. She says furniture placement and use of space should fit the flow and pattern of activities in the home.

For making home anywhere on a military budget, Maria offers these tips and techniques:

Shop at Home

Evaluate the accessories or fixtures you already have and try them out in other spaces. The best time to do this is right before or after a move, but you can do it anytime. Sometimes with all the packing and moving around, we forget what we even have. A quick sweep of all your rooms might spark new placement ideas for an old lamp that’s been sitting in a back room. Instead of buying a new piece of furniture, refurbish an existing piece with chalk paint, stain, or decoupage.

Top to Bottom

Use vertical spaces as well as horizontal. When items go up on walls we tend to feel more grounded in that space. Hang curtains, install shelves and art work. For the floors, whether we rent, buy or live on post, I am a fan of large area rugs. They can disguise a less-than-desirable floor, and they add color, visual interest and texture. Layering rugs over rugs is great, too.

Add Accents

Enjoy a fresh coat of paint and a pop of color! Paint or removable wallpaper on an accent or focal wall can make an impact on the overall feel of a space. So what if you have to paint it back to the original color? Do it! Also, when you purchase large pieces of furniture, keep it neutral. Then you can add pops of color with handmade throw pillows and accessories.

Collection or Clutter

Group like items and display them as a collection. We tend to buy a lot of little décor items, maybe because they’re affordable or because we’re living in a small space; and small items are easier to pack and move. I totally get that. So now, what do you do to keep these from looking like clutter? Gather all your artwork and accessories and look at what you have and group like items together. When displaying items of the same height, elevate a few using a plinth. (Anything can be a plinth, a from a piece of wood to a stack of books.) Displaying objects at varying heights will gives a more designer look.

Oh, the Places You’ve Been

Create a gallery wall. Can you have too many photos? Not on social media, but for your home? Well, maybe. To emphasize your favorites for a cohesive display, make large prints of a few of your favorite photos and display them together. Maps and artifacts from your travels add dimension to the story-telling power of the gallery. Then, use a digital frame to include more photos and continue telling your stories.

Go Green

Adding plants to a space makes any room feel alive and helps improve the air quality. Use plants to create a visual interest by hanging them on a wall, or on shelves. Put a plant on the floor to fill a corner or on a table to add color. Keep in mind amount of sunlight in your space when choosing plants. Choose plants that are easy to grow. Faux plants look great too.

“Environment is important to the wellbeing of any family, especially a home environment,” says Maria. “For us, answering the question, ‘Where is home?’ can be tough, but it’s not about geography. Home is anywhere we find security, control, belonging, identity, peace. It is a place to heal from the challenges of military life.”

Finding a sense of home takes work and intention in a mobile life, but it’s certainly possible, says Maria. From stateside and overseas, military quarters to civilian neighborhoods, military families can create home anywhere.

Ways to declutter and Get Organized for the Next Move

More decorating tips from Maria Reed

Feature about Maria Reed for AUSA by Terri Barnes

Episodes of Moving with the Military

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In military life, holiday traditions are like military families: portable and adaptable. Because they celebrate in many different circumstances and locations—sometimes even in mid-move—military families look for creative ways to make spirits bright and maintain traditions in transition. 

“We purposefully established traditions that travel well,” says Amy Bushatz, Army wife, executive editor at Military.com and a coauthor of Stories Around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom and Strength in Military Life. “On Christmas Eve, we seek out a local light display and then have dinner at a greasy-spoon diner, a place virtually guaranteed to exist in every single town in America.” If they are not able to celebrate on the actual holiday, Amy said her family designates their own date to celebrate. 

Army wife Maria Reed is the host and creator of Moving With the Military, a home improvement and lifestyle series for military families. For Maria, the atmosphere of her home is important, especially at the holidays.

“My home is not just four walls. This is my life. My children are growing up here. This is where we find the love and joy of being a military family.”

— Maria Reed

Even if a holiday coincides with a move, and everything is still in boxes, Maria’s advice is still the same: Don’t hesitate. Decorate! “Put up the tree,” she says. “Get it up! If you don’t have your household goods, make ornaments with your kids. Use pine cones, glitter, make snowflakes from clothespins.”

Keeping old traditions in a new place sometimes takes initiative, and Navy wife and writer Alison Buckholtz is up to the challenge. Soon after a move, she helped create a celebration for her community as well as her family.   

“The first time I was too far from home to attend a family-led Passover seder, I wasn’t sure if I could put one together on my own, but I knew I had to try,” says Alison, author of Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War and coauthor of Stories Around the Table. Knowing other families also needed a place to go for the special meal, Alison and her husband opened their home to their new community.   

“It’s so important to our family to mark Jewish holidays wherever we are and to help others do the same,” she says. “During that Passover seder, our house was full of people who were just happy to spend the holiday together. It’s one of my happiest memories of that particular tour.”   

Many military families make it a practice to add new traditions to family celebrations or find new holidays to celebrate. Then, even when they’re doing something they’ve never done before, they’re practicing a family tradition: Weihnachtsmarkt in Europe, Tanabata in Japan, fiestas in Guam, or Mardi Gras in Louisiana.   

“I love to incorporate new traditions and foods into our holidays,” says Maria. “At Fort Stewart (Georgia) we learned about hummingbird cake. Now I make that cake for my family and share it with other military spouses.”   

Sharing is a tradition that’s welcome everywhere.

“Wherever we are, we bake goodies for our neighbors and those on duty at the gate,” says Air Force wife and Sarah Holtzmann, also a coauthor of Stories Around the Table. To show her children the importance of giving, Sarah enlists her children to help with delivering the treats in the neighborhood.

When living overseas far from family, any holiday becomes a reason to gather with military friends to celebrate. Maria suggests having a holiday potluck as a way to get acquainted with neighbors.   

For bringing the family together, even across the miles, a favorite holiday story is hard to beat, even over the phone or video link. “We listen to ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, as read by Grandma—by Facetime if we are not together,” says Sarah.   Feeling at home in a new place can be difficult at the holidays, but celebrations and traditions help create connections.   

“Find a love of home, where ever home is,” Maria says. “It doesn’t matter if it’s temporary. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Make it perfect for you with what you have now.” 

Sometimes it takes the simplest of things to make home just right. When Sarah’s new home didn’t have a fireplace for hanging stockings for Christmas, she got creative and made a wooden hanger where her kids could hang their stockings. “You could say I nailed it,” she quips—and the hanger can go with her family for the next move.   

Military families can make any holiday meaningful, even when celebrating their traditions in transition. All it takes is generosity, creativity, initiative—and maybe a hammer. 

The post Keeping Traditions in Transition: Making Spirits Bright. appeared first on Military Family Life.

“Don’t think you’ll catch up magically if you fall behind going through mail, or passing on your kids’ outgrown clothes,” says Nonnahs, founding organizer of Get Organized Already in Pasadena, California. “You have to make it a priority and set aside some time. Having a designated time makes the chore easier and less frantic.”

Sharing and trading are cost-effective ways to outfit a home in a new location, says Nonnahs. Make use of the thrift shop, both to donate and to shop for new household needs. Military thrift shops are often stocked with clothing suitable to the local climate, as well as specialized supplies like adapters or appliances for differing electrical currents overseas.

Another constructive and eco-friendly way to get rid of unneeded possessions is to give them directly to new families who need what you don’t.

“For a while my family lived on a training base, which had a fast turnover time,” Nonnahs says. “My parents would store specialty household items in our garage to help provide for the next wave of families coming to the street every eighteen months or so.”

Nonnahs offers these tips to military families for staying organized in moving season or any season:

• Less everyday stuff makes an easier move. Use the knowledge that you are moving to motivate you to keep less. Some types of things, like pots and pans, can be thrown out when they’re worn out. Other things, like books and memorabilia, are more complicated for sentimental reasons.
• Approach your collections like a curator at a museum would approach an exhibit. When a bookshelf is getting full, instead of buying another bookcase, go through the books you have and let go of some.
• For children’s precious artwork and photos, use a sturdy storage box, and let the size of the box serve as a guide to how much to keep. Keep only favorites, and only as much as will fit in the box. Save a few things from each year, for each child, and you’ll have a beautiful collection that’s protected for many more moves to come.
• Use medium-sized, clear plastic bins for storage. Clear so you can see what is in them. Medium sized for easy access and lighter weight per box. Use super-large containers only to store super-large items.
• Buy modular furniture, which can be split up as needed to fit a new space. This may help the costly cycle of buying different furnishings for larger or smaller homes. Buy smaller pieces and add or sell as needed: a sectional or love seat instead of huge sofas, for example. Also helpful: furniture pieces that double as storage.

Nonnahs Driskill grew up in an Air Force family and founded Get Organized already in Pasadena, Calif. For more of her organizing tips, see her Get Organized Already blog and videos.

Maria Reed’s Top Tips for Making a House a Home

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These comments from experienced military spouses reveal the challenges of the readjustment process:

• Life tends to be more family oriented at overseas assignments, and it’s a tightness you don’t have in the States. I loved the fact that the (overseas) community is very close-knit, and now I miss that.
• Returning stateside is harder than we expected. Suddenly home doesn’t feel like home. It’s almost shocking to be back in America where everyone speaks your language. In public, we sometimes feel a loss of privacy, because everyone can understand our English conversations.
• Even the English vocabulary is different. Back in the States, people don’t use words like “Stateside” or “downrange” much. They usually say “here” or “deployed.”
• We missed American restaurants like Chick Fil-A when we were overseas, but what I wouldn’t do for a jagerschnitzel or a doner right now!
• The first time we went to an American restaurant, we were distracted by how many times the waitress came by our table to ask how we were doing.
• When we lived in Japan, I adjusted pretty easily to driving on the “wrong” side. Now that I’m back, I keep getting into the passenger seat of my car and wondering where the steering wheel went.
• We didn’t recognize the slower, more relaxed pace of life in Germany until we returned to the frenetic pace of life back in the US.
• At first when you move overseas, you are frustrated by having fewer choices, as in doing most of your shopping at the Exchange or commissary. You learn to live comfortably within those options, after returning stateside, it seems there are too many choices.

Any adjustment takes time, even returning to a familiar location. Just knowing that culture shock may be a factor can help families prepare and set reasonable expectations for a period of adjustment. Some challenges are major, others are minor, but all can be overcome with some preparation and patience. 

The post Returning Stateside: Feeling at Home Takes Time appeared first on Military Family Life.

Terri Barnes, a military spouse and author of Spouse Calls: Messages from a Military Life, has experienced four overseas assignments. While stationed in Guam, she took scuba diving lessons. Later, after living in Japan and Germany, she realized how her scuba lessons mirrored the adjustments she experienced when moving to other countries.

Living overseas, like learning to scuba dive, offers access to the wonders of an unfamiliar part of the world, Terri says. She also says being immersed in a different culture can be as challenging as learning to breathe underwater.

“I was a fish out of water, but in reverse,” she says, recalling her first scuba experiences. “It was hard to trust my regulator and breathe naturally. I had a hard time distinguishing up from down from sideways, but the more time I spent in that unfamiliar environment, the easier it was.”

Adapting to life in another country is similar, says Terri. She applies some of the principles of exploring life under the ocean to loving life in another country:

Know your environment: Before my first dive, I took classes to learn how to use scuba gear safely and what to expect under the ocean. Before an overseas move, do some research to get familiar with a prospective home country. Get advice from military friends who have lived there. These insights will help make sense of the differences you encounter.

Start shallow: Twelve feet was deep enough for my first scuba experience. I was able to go a bit deeper in each successive outing. When adjusting to a new place, start small. Walk to the corner bakery or noodle shop. You may feel a bit out of place at first, but each trip will get easier, and you’ll be ready for deeper waters.

Draw strength from friends: Every diver needs a buddy, for safety and companionship. This is true on dry ground too. Connect with locals, or friends who have a bit more experience in the location. Ask them to show you around and give you advice.

Don’t panic: I was anxious and claustrophobic during my first dive, but I became more comfortable in time. I focused less on my own breathing and more on the beauty all around me. Life in a strange place is uncomfortable, like breathing underwater, but your confidence will grow with each new experience.

Worth the weight: Diving requires some heavy equipment. Lugging it to a dive site was not easy, but in the water it was nearly weightless–and vital. Similarly, a new language, driving rules, and exchange rates are burdensome at first. When you learn to use them, they become natural and essential parts of daily life.

Take your time: Getting to know a new environment takes time. Expect difficult days. Separate your frustrations about the adjustment process from your feelings about your new home. This is what culture shock feels like, but it will get better.

Go deep: My first twelve-foot dive was frightening, but I went ten times deeper just a few weeks later and loved it. I was still out of my element, but now I was comfortable with my gear, my training, and my dive buddy. Give yourself some time to acclimate to a new culture. Start by splashing on the beach, but get ready to take the plunge and explore the new world around you.

Terri Barnes is the author of Spouse Calls: Messages From a Military Life. She also wrote an essay about living overseas titled “First, You’re Gonna Hate It” for Stories Around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life. 

Feature photo: Market day in Saint-Rémy-de-Provence, France. Photo credit: Terri Barnes

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