When it comes to altered holiday plans, curtailed travel, and limited family gatherings, military families might wonder what all the fuss is about. We’ve been here before. Yes, we get it. It’s hard to be outside those holiday comfort zones, but we’ve learned that unusual times can inspire new ways to celebrate, ways that are still meaningful and memorable. Perhaps our experiences can offer a glimmer of hope for civilian friends and neighbors in this pandemic season.

When the holidays roll around, a military family often can’t gather around the holiday table with grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles. We may be in a new location without a large friend group—yet. Deployment or other circumstances might separate us from our spouses or—for active duty members—our children. Each holiday season is different from the last, so we don’t get used to the changes, we adapt.

It’s hard to be outside our comfort zones at the holidays, but we’ve learned that unusual times can inspire new ways to celebrate, ways that are still meaningful and memorable.

Whether stationed overseas or across the country, military families can’t rely on the comfort of visiting the same local light display or Christmas tree farm every year. We might be living in the mountains, the desert, or the tropics. It’s not as glamorous as it sounds. Sometimes it’s just lonely, but the lessons we’ve learned in those those difficult seasons could be helpful to military and civilians families this year. For everyone facing an unusual or difficult holiday season, here are some new ways to celebrate special days:

Lean on Friends

We may not have invented “framily”—friends who become like family—but military families knew it was a thing long before it had a name. We’ve celebrated some wonderful holidays with good friends when we couldn’t be with our family. If a big group isn’t practical, get together with a couple of friends. If gatherings aren’t possible, or if neighbors aren’t friends yet, connect by dropping off homemade holiday decorations or treats. Use this season to build new relationships. You might find someone else in need of friends to lean on.

Enjoy Simplicity

Sure, those big family gatherings are a lot of chaotic fun, but why not take advantage of simpler days while they’re available? Limited holiday options might mean less stress and money spent coordinating travel, preparing big meals, and making time for all the relatives. That also means more room to reflect on the meaning of holiday observances; more space to be mindful of moments with just a few special people. Chaos will surely return. For now, enjoy the benefits of quieter days while they’re here.

Branch Out

A pared down holiday offers another thing most holidays are short on: time. Holiday busy-ness doesn’t always leave time to try something new, but if this holiday is less full and busy, it could provide opportunities to branch out. Perhaps that could include sharing with someone in need, preparing meals, delivering food or clothing. Branching out could also include exploring where you are. Every time and place has its own flavor and opportunities that might not come again. Find something unique to the location or culture and incorporate it into the celebration this year. These experiences can create treasured memories and new traditions.

Be Present

Even if this isn’t the holiday you hoped for, it’s one that will never come again. Be there for it. Next year you might be with the loved ones you’re missing today, but for now enjoy the ones you’re with. Store up memories and stories to tell around the fire in years to come. Make a gratitude list. In every year there’s something to be thankful for, and your list may be longer than you realize.

Even in challenging times, celebrations are important. They remind us of what is essential, even when—or because—we have to be apart. With intentionality and openness to new experiences, even a difficult holiday can be a meaningful one.

Terri Barnes is the author of Spouse Calls: Messages From a Military Life, based on her long-running column in Stars and Stripes. She and her Air Force husband and their military family have celebrated unusual and meaningful holidays on multiple continents—sometimes on separate continents. Terri is also the editor of multiple award-winning books from Elva Resa Publishing.

More ideas and encouragement for the holidays:

• Keeping Traditions in Transition: Making Spirits Bright
• Deployment Holidays: Finding Reasons to Celebrate

The post New Ways to Celebrate: Military Life Offers Inspiration appeared first on Military Family Life.

“I don’t advise spouses to join a group to network if they’re just checking a box,” says Sue, an Air Force spouse. “That may sound counterintuitive from someone who runs a networking organization, but we need to change our mindset about what networking is. It should be organic, something that’s part of our everyday life, because every day is an opportunity to engage with people.” 

Some connections may be helpful in more ways than one, but relationships are likely to be stronger if they’re built on shared experience and genuine interest in others rather than self-interest. 

“I don’t want to see spouses falling into a serial-networking trap rather than developing real relationships.” Says Sue. “Those relationships are so important in military life.” 

Meaningful engagement can happen in the neighborhood, in a faith community, book club, or even at the commissary—anywhere people come together. This kind of networking is less about work and more about getting to know people. Joining a group for the purpose of career networking can’t replace having real relationships, where mutual helpfulness flourishes naturally. 

” … we need to change our mindset about what networking is. It should be organic, something that’s part of our everyday life, because every day is an opportunity to engage with people.”

–Sue Hoppin

“When you’re in the business of maintaining relationships, you don’t know how those relationships can benefit someone or what good things they will eventually accomplish,” she says. “Networking is a two-way street. It’s not all about what you can get from someone else. You also should think about what you can do for them.” 

Any relationship grows stronger when the participants look for ways to help one another, and networking can provide opportunities to pay it forward to other military spouses and friends. 

“Just because you and I have a relationship, and I may be in a position to help you, doesn’t necessarily mean you will be in a position to help me in return,” she says. “Our connection may or may not be helpful somewhere down the line, but that shouldn’t matter. I believe in putting good energy and good information out in the world. Something you can do might help someone else in ways you never expected.”

The best way to create networks and relationships, says Sue, is to focus on the person rather than what that person can do or who else they know.

“Put yourself out there and build authentic relationships,” she says, “that’s where the magic happens, not when we’re thinking of these relationships as purely transactional. Those least effective at networking are the ones keeping score. We can all help each other, and it’s those mutually beneficial relationships that help everything run.” 

Sue Hoppin wrote the essay “With a Little Help From My Friends” in Stories Around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life.

Connect with more expertise from Sue and other military spouses at the National Military Spouse Network website. Listen to Straight Talk with Sue every Monday at noon Eastern on the NMSN Facebook page, and check out the NMSN Instagram Live each Wednesday at 11:30 a.m. Eastern.

The post Meaningful Connections Create Strong Networks appeared first on Military Family Life.

“For me, the most stressful part of a PCS is all the decisions that need to be made,” says Marine spouse Lizann Lightfoot, blogger at The Seasoned Spouse and author of the upcoming book, Open When You Love Someone in the Military. “I like to take time and research the options and weigh the pros and cons before making a big decision. A PCS is usually a whole string of decisions that need to be made quickly.”

Kellie Artis, army spouse and chief operating officer for Millie, says the unknowns of moving cause her the most stress, and those unknowns complicate all the decisions to be made.

“I have a hard time with abstract or ambiguous, and what is a PCS if not both of those things?” she says. “Moving to a new city is a bit frightening. You may not know what to expect when it comes to the culture, climate, commutes, all sorts of things.”

Finding out as much as possible about a new location as soon as possible helps Kelly alleviate her stress and apprehension.

“I immerse myself in research to try and get the full picture of what our lives will look like at the next duty,” she says. “I also firmly believe in making informed decisions based on fact and reality, so having a trusted place to turn to for information is key.”

Good communication helps military families reduce stress during a move, and Lizann recognizes it’s not always easy to keep that balance, when each spouse has different ways of handling the situation.

“It’s very difficult to truly make decisions together as a couple during a PCS move,” she says. “My husband excels in that environment (of transition), and he slips into military leader mode. The more I hesitate, the more he takes charge, then I feel even more stressed. Not only am I responsible for all the details for myself and our five children—I also feel like my ideas aren’t being heard or valued.”

Kellie and Lizann offer these ten ways to check stress at every stage of a move:

1 ~ Lizann: As a couple, my husband and I reduce conflict with regular conversations and check-ins about big decisions we have to make about schedules, housing, or schools.

2 ~ Kellie: I learn as much as I possibly can about the place we’re moving to and start to embrace the base before we get there to save time once we arrive. What are the schools like? Where is Target? What is there to do on the weekends?

3 ~ Lizann: Before we leave, we plan some family activities to take everyone’s mind off the move. Local activities from our “bucket list” or dinner out at a favorite restaurant.

4 ~ Kellie: If you have children, involve them at an age-appropriate level so they feel like participants and not baggage!

5 ~ Lizann: We give our kids opportunities to say goodbye to their favorite people and places.

6 ~ Kellie: Plan your route to include a few fun (and COVID-Safe) stops like National Parks and other outdoor adventures.

7 ~ Lizann: After we move, we use some of my husband’s leave days to do fun family events in the new area. This helps us begin to feel like locals in our new town.

8 ~ Kellie: We try to settle into a new place as quickly as possible, and this means meeting people as well as unpacking boxes. Don’t skip opportunities to connect with your neighbors or community because you’re buried in packing paper.

9 and 10 ~ Lizann and Kellie agree that organization and self-care are both important ways to alleviate PCS stress. They advise creating a PCS binder or file to keep track of important paperwork, checklists, receipts, and other essentials. This saves time and reduces worry, which makes more time for self-care: plenty of sleep, connection with friends, exercise, and healthy meals whenever possible.

More helpful ideas for PCS season from Military Family Life:

• Moving Kids: 5 Healthy Ways to Handle PCS
• Maria Reed’s Top Tips for Making a House a Home
• Get Organized for the Next Move

The post Ten Ways to Keep PCS Stress in Check appeared first on Military Family Life.

Feeling at home makes a difference to military families in important ways, says Maria, whose show features  surprise home makeovers for military families, helping them create a sense of home wherever they live.

“Having a place to call home contributes to our emotional well-being, self-esteem, and self-confidence, and is vital to being mission-ready,” she says. “Military families spend a lot of time away from their traditional support systems. They build resiliency by finding a home, forming strong bonds in their military community. It may feel like the only family they have.”

“Having a place to call home contributes to our emotional well-being, self-esteem, and self-confidence, and is vital to being mission-ready.”

–Maria Reed

On her makeover show, Maria helps military families personalize their homes, offering strategies to make the most of living spaces, both practically and aesthetically. She believes it’s important to prioritize moving into a new space and getting settled as part of acclimating to a new duty assignment.

“Military families learn to be at home everywhere, but connectedness often centers around items in our homes which evoke memories,” Maria says. “It’s important for us to feel at home in the house we live in.”

Don’t Wait

Military families don’t have the luxury of time when it comes to moving in and decorating a home.

“Do it now!” says Maria.

After moving to a new place, Maria begins by getting her two children settled in their spaces and including them in the process.

“Moving is a great time to redesign their space with a new theme, bedding, or color. They need to feel comfortable in their new space,” Maria says. In the upheaval of a move, kids appreciate having some control over their lives and living space.

Next, Maria’s family designates an area for a “command center,” a place to put backpacks and shoes, as well as post the family calendar and schedule.

“Everything flows from there,” she says, adding that the location may differ in every house. “We have had command centers in garages, laundry rooms, storage closets.”

Even after getting settled, Maria says there are many ways to give living spaces home-like qualities and make them more useful, too. Sometimes just rearranging the furniture can make a difference. She says furniture placement and use of space should fit the flow and pattern of activities in the home.

For making home anywhere on a military budget, Maria offers these tips and techniques:

Shop at Home

Evaluate the accessories or fixtures you already have and try them out in other spaces. The best time to do this is right before or after a move, but you can do it anytime. Sometimes with all the packing and moving around, we forget what we even have. A quick sweep of all your rooms might spark new placement ideas for an old lamp that’s been sitting in a back room. Instead of buying a new piece of furniture, refurbish an existing piece with chalk paint, stain, or decoupage.

Top to Bottom

Use vertical spaces as well as horizontal. When items go up on walls we tend to feel more grounded in that space. Hang curtains, install shelves and art work. For the floors, whether we rent, buy or live on post, I am a fan of large area rugs. They can disguise a less-than-desirable floor, and they add color, visual interest and texture. Layering rugs over rugs is great, too.

Add Accents

Enjoy a fresh coat of paint and a pop of color! Paint or removable wallpaper on an accent or focal wall can make an impact on the overall feel of a space. So what if you have to paint it back to the original color? Do it! Also, when you purchase large pieces of furniture, keep it neutral. Then you can add pops of color with handmade throw pillows and accessories.

Collection or Clutter

Group like items and display them as a collection. We tend to buy a lot of little décor items, maybe because they’re affordable or because we’re living in a small space; and small items are easier to pack and move. I totally get that. So now, what do you do to keep these from looking like clutter? Gather all your artwork and accessories and look at what you have and group like items together. When displaying items of the same height, elevate a few using a plinth. (Anything can be a plinth, a from a piece of wood to a stack of books.) Displaying objects at varying heights will gives a more designer look.

Oh, the Places You’ve Been

Create a gallery wall. Can you have too many photos? Not on social media, but for your home? Well, maybe. To emphasize your favorites for a cohesive display, make large prints of a few of your favorite photos and display them together. Maps and artifacts from your travels add dimension to the story-telling power of the gallery. Then, use a digital frame to include more photos and continue telling your stories.

Go Green

Adding plants to a space makes any room feel alive and helps improve the air quality. Use plants to create a visual interest by hanging them on a wall, or on shelves. Put a plant on the floor to fill a corner or on a table to add color. Keep in mind amount of sunlight in your space when choosing plants. Choose plants that are easy to grow. Faux plants look great too.

“Environment is important to the wellbeing of any family, especially a home environment,” says Maria. “For us, answering the question, ‘Where is home?’ can be tough, but it’s not about geography. Home is anywhere we find security, control, belonging, identity, peace. It is a place to heal from the challenges of military life.”

Finding a sense of home takes work and intention in a mobile life, but it’s certainly possible, says Maria. From stateside and overseas, military quarters to civilian neighborhoods, military families can create home anywhere.

Ways to declutter and Get Organized for the Next Move

More decorating tips from Maria Reed

Feature about Maria Reed for AUSA by Terri Barnes

Episodes of Moving with the Military

The post Maria Reed’s Top Tips for Making a House a Home appeared first on Military Family Life.

Terri Barnes, the author of Spouse Calls: Messages from a Military Life, says it’s important to talk to kids about the good and the bad of each move to help them through the experience. An Air Force spouse, Terri shepherded her three children through dozens of school changes and moves, as well as writing extensively about mobility as a military family columnist for Stars and Stripes.

“Transitions are part of every life, military or civilian,” she says. “Change is hard. Moving is hard, especially when we’re in the thick of it, but when we make it through as a family, it makes us stronger together and individually. Successful transitions give kids confidence they can navigate other challenges.”

“Transitions are part of every life, military or civilian … Successful transitions give kids confidence they can navigate other challenges.” ~Terri Barnes

Terri offers these suggestions for healthy ways to guide children through the emotions and experiences of moving:

Keep a Positive Attitude

Military parents and other experts agree children of any age react and respond to the attitudes of their parents. A parent’s positive outlook about moving fosters optimism for kids. Don’t promise a new place will be better, and don’t pressure kids to be happy about moving, but do show an open mind about the new experience ahead.

Model positive thinking and hopefulness. Moving involves anxiety and uncertainty for kids and parents alike, and honest age-appropriate conversations are important. However, it’s best to vent strong adult reactions and frustrations with other adults and not with children.

Make Time to Grieve

While it’s important to be positive, it’s also necessary to be honest about the difficult parts of moving. Moving involves loss, so it is healthy and necessary to grieve those losses. Give children time and space to talk about the move and cry about it if they want to. Let them know they are not alone in their sorrow.

In ways appropriate to each child’s understanding, parents can talk about what they will miss when they move, reassuring kids it’s okay to be sad, that sadness won’t last forever, and the family will stick together throughout.

“When my kids were sad, I didn’t want them to think they were alone,” says Terri. “Sometimes I talked about the friends I would miss and how I was sad too. At the same time, I reassured them we could live through it together.”

Look Back

Remind kids about previous move experiences and talk about how they felt before and after. This helps them remember how they succeeded in a new place before, and they can succeed and make friends again. If they are open to it, talk to children about what they would like to do the same or differently in an upcoming move. Encourage them to set goals and to recognize ways they have grown through the challenges of moving.

Not every departure is a sad one. Sometimes a move takes a child away from a difficult school situation or peer group. Talk about what kids are happy to leave behind and ways they hope their new school or community will be different. If appropriate, brainstorm ways they might be able to create better situations or relationships at a new place. Talk about what those difficult situations or relationships may have taught them.

Offer Choices

When it comes to military moves, so much is beyond the control of children—and parents too. Look for ways to give kids some control over their circumstances:

• Find ways kids can help with preparations for the move.

  

• Saying goodbye is important. Set aside time for children to say goodbye to friends, teachers, and any significant people in their lives. Talk to each child about how and when he or she would like to say goodbye. Some kids love a party, but others may prefer more low-key farewells. Parties can be overwhelming for some children, so be attentive to their wishes and temperaments.
• Let children plan the décor and arrangements for their bedrooms and play spaces in their new home.
• Encourage kids to look for interesting activities in the new community. Is there a national park or another attraction nearby? An interesting museum or park? Help them look forward and plan ways the family can get to know their new neighborhood after the move.

Provide Structure

The days before, during, and after a move can be chaotic. Try to maintain familiar routines as much as possible. Establish moving traditions and rituals, like a special take-out meal on moving day, building box castles after unpacking, or placing a traditional first picture or piece of furniture in a new home.

Although there are plenty of ways to handle transition in healthy ways, no one really gets used to moving, Terri cautions. She emphasizes the importance of setting reasonable expectations and giving kids time and space to adjust after moving.

“When it comes to moving, practice does not make perfect. It’s a new world each time.”

–Terri Barnes

“Each move is different. Everyone in the family will experience it differently and have emotional reactions that require care and attention,” she says. “As kids grow, moves will probably get harder instead of easier, because friends become more and more important to them. They will need more time to reconnect and find friends. When it comes to moving, practice does not make perfect. It’s a new world each time.”

Growth comes from facing challenges in healthy ways, and Terri says it’s good to help military kids remember every family faces difficulty, not just military families. For any of life’s challenges, children benefit from open communication and encouragement to look for ways to grow through difficulty.

“I never wanted my kids to feel sorry for themselves or think military life was all hardship. There are so many positives to this life. It’s healthy to accept the good and the bad, to learn how to handle the challenges that are part of every life. It’s not just about surviving one move—or ten. It’s about learning to survive and grow for a lifetime.”

Terri Barnes is the senior editor at Elva Resa Publishing and has written and contributed to several books about military life including Spouse Calls: Messages From a Military Life, and Stories Around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life. Terri’s three military children attended more than 25 schools from Pre-K to high school graduation.

More helpful information about transitions for military children on SeasonsofMyMilitaryStudent.com:

• New School: 5 Tips to Prepare Your Student 
• Good Goodbyes Build Resilience and Strong Relationships
• About the Seasons of Transition^TM

The post Moving Kids: 5 Healthy Ways to Handle PCS appeared first on Military Family Life.

None of that prepared her for what happened when her husband, Brad, got an overseas assignment, arguably when she was at the top of her professional game.

“It was a major career hit for me,” Jacey says. “My phone fell silent. I went from 250 emails a day to a Talbots ad and an invitation to a coffee morning. None of the local companies were hiring people who did not speak fluent Norwegian. I felt like I lost myself.”

When Brad’s next assignment brought the couple back to the U.S. Jacey knew picking up where she left off in her stateside career was not an option. She’d have to do what military spouses often have to do: start again.

“I did not know what to do, so I planted a bunch of career seeds at once. Some grew, and some did not,” she says. “I started researching how other people handled significant life change and shared strategies online, and the Next Door Project was born.”

“The world gives you little hints about what you should be doing,” says Jacey. “You just have to pay attention.”

The Next Door Project is a platform for Jacey’s speaking, consulting, career coaching, and writing endeavors. True to her experience, her specialty is helping people in transition to look for, create, and recognize opportunities. Jacey offers these tips for managing career transitions:

Know your local environment.

“Get local contacts and local interests. People get jobs through contacts.”

Know what you have to offer.

“Identify what you have to sell in the marketplace.”

Know what the world needs.

“Identify what the market is willing to buy. That takes some experimenting,”

Know your priorities.

“Be honest about what you really want in your heart of hearts and soul of souls. I want to have lots of time to write, and I want live where Brad lives. I’m willing to sacrifice some career stability to get those two things.”

More training or education may be helpful, but it’s not the most important thing, Jacey says.

“One of the most common mistakes we military spouses make is to keep going back to school, hoping to make ourselves more marketable. Instead, we need to work on making ourselves more local. Unless a degree is required to get a license in your field, like law, teaching, or nursing, don’t get another degree.”

Even with goals in mind, the right training, and local contacts, career transitions are difficult. Maintaining personal balance and self-confidence is a challenge, as is determining what job will be the right fit.

Jacey says one of the hardest things she had to do in her latest transition is to redefine her expectations of what the right job would look like.

“I heard about a part-time job that would let me teach new veterans how to get jobs, but I was worried that it was not a logical step up for me. I’d be a red-shoe gal in a brown-shoe world,” she says. “Then I found out how much I had to learn about the topic, how it was an epic task for veterans, a group I care about most in the world.”

It was a challenge she couldn’t refuse. She took the job and says it’s one of the best she’s ever had. Still she admits finding the next door of opportunity is never easy, even with years of experience. For reassurance and stability, she goes back to what is most important to her.

“I’d love to tell you that I am a Mrs. Miniver, totally unruffled by the slings and arrows of military life,” Jacey says. “Really, I’m a squirrel, and I am totally ruffled and freaking out all the time about work. Brad is my rock. And, to be fair, Starbucks. The habit of writing every day at Starbucks keeps me productive, no matter what.”

Jacey Eckhart is a coauthor of Stories around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life, author of The Homefront Club, and the creator of the Next Door Project.

The post Knocking on Doors: Jacey Eckhart on Career Transitions appeared first on Military Family Life.

The next year, Abby’s new school in Florida announced a PTA writing program for students. Abby asked her mom if she could update her poem and add her feelings after now that the move was over. Sitting at the kitchen table, Abby and her mom and talked about what was good and bad about moving.

“I really tried to think what it means to be military kid, what I felt,” Abby says. “It was easy to write about the frustration and how much I love my family, but it was hard to rhyme the words.”

Abby read her poem aloud for the program at her school and won an award from the PTA. It was also featured by the Biden Foundation as part of a creative initiative for military children called “Picturing Home.” Abby’s poem is called “My Home in a Military Life.”

I’m a fourth grade military child.

My life can be hard, but mostly wild.

I have traveled all over the Earth.

I have no hometown, only the place of my birth.

My favorite colors are orange, purple, and blue,

But I’ve never been able to paint my room. 

After five moves I want to scream and shout,

And sometimes I even pout.

Working through my feelings can be very rough,

But my family has taught me to be tough.

I’m not sure you know, but I’m never really alone,

Because after every move, I always find my home. 

Abby said she didn’t know if kids who are not from military families understand her life better, even after hearing her poem.

“I’m not sure they understand about painting a room is something I’ve never done–or that I don’t have a hometown,” she says.”Maybe it makes them think a little.”

As a parent, navy wife Alison Buckholtz says writing for her young son was a way to help him understand the changes military life would bring. She wrote a poetic story called “It Was a Good Day,” for her son, then two and half, when her husband was deployed and Alison knew the family would move when the deployment was over.

“I wrote about what was going on in our lives at the moment,” says Alison, whose daughter was a baby at the time. “I wrote what I thought my son would understand and absorb. I tried to put my self in the shoes of this little kid whose life was but to change, but he didn’t know it.”

Alison said she wrote the story for the same reasons she wrote her memoir about deployment, Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War.

“I looked everywhere for something that would speak to our experience, to my son’s experience,” Alison says. “I didn’t find it, so I wrote it.”

Every military family’s experience is different, and some find writing about those experiences is a way to process them. Abby says it helps to write about moving, even if people who read her poem don’t completely understand. Alison said she and he son had fun with their story, reading it over and over.

“We still have the spiral bound copy that he decorated with stickers,” says Alison, whose son is now in his teens. “It was important to me that he thought of it as his book. It was about all those things were really anchors in his life. I knew we were about to move. I wanted to give him those certainties to hold on to.”

Abby Huisman is an award-winning fourth grade poet. Alison Bucholtz’s story “It Was a Good Day,” appears in Military Life: Stories and Poems for Children. She also contributed an essay to Stories Around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life.

The post Poetry and Stories Hold Comfort and Expression for Military Children appeared first on Military Family Life.

Military life offers endless opportunities to make new friends, and some of those new friends become friends for life. Long-term friendships offer the comfort and stability of history, especially for those who live mobile lives. Maintaining friendships over time and distance takes effort, but the rewards are lasting.

Longtime friends Holly Scherer and Kathie Hightower met when their Army husbands were students at the same school. In the decades of friendship that followed, they were never stationed in the same place. Nevertheless, these friends never let a few miles—or thousands—stand in their way. After writing a book together, they traveled all over the world to share their encouragement with military spouses.

“We have a very deep friendship,” says Holly. “Although we are so different, we are likeminded people. We believe in giving back, knowing there is always more to life.”

Holly lives in Virginia, and Kathie lives in Oregon, so they connect by phone every couple of weeks and get together at least once a year. It takes intentionality, a plan and follow through, both friends agree.

Air Force spouses Amanda Trimillos and Stacy Allsbrook-Huisman also wrote a book together after the military took them different directions. Stacy lives in Florida, and Amanda lives in Germany, but their collaboration and friendship continue.

Amanda says they model intentionality with their daughters, who became best friends while living next door to one another in Germany.

“Stacy and I and the girls have been trading months sending care packages back and forth since they moved,” says Amanda. “Our daughters really miss each other, so they fill the boxes with what they love. It’s a lot of fun to see Emily walk through the store thinking about what Abby would want to open in her box.”

Amanda and Stacy keep in close contact for personal and professional reasons, planning video chats and phone calls as often as they can, in spite of the time difference and busy schedules.

As Amanda and Stacy found when they met in Germany, new friends are an essential part of connecting and feeling at home in a new place. Long distance communication doesn’t provide the same level of support as a chat across the back fence.

“I like to say that everywhere I go, I need friends with skin on,” says Holly. “I need someone who is really right here with me.”

Friends with shared history are important too, even when military moves bring separation.

“My long-time friends and I went through life together. My new neighbor down the street hasn’t been there,” she says. “When you’ve been through war together, it’s like the way my husband feels about the guys he went to war with.”

The battle might be with loneliness and sick babies, but those who have been through it together are bonded.

“I have a long list of military friends from over the years,” Kathie says. “Even though we don’t connect as frequently (as Holly and I do) … we fall immediately back into that sense of deep friendship.”

“They’ve seen you when you are most vulnerable, and you’ve helped each other through it,” says Holly. Those are the friendships that can last a lifetime, friendships that enrich military life.

Making friends nearby is relatively easy. Staying in touch with those who are far away takes effort, a plan, and dedication.

Kathie, Holly, Amanda and Stacy offer their advice and the ways they stay connected with friends who are close in heart, but not in location.

Prioritize: “Ask yourself, ‘Who are people I want to have in my life, to keep in my life?’” Holly says. Then do what it takes to stay in touch, no matter where they live.

Be intentional: “For many years, I kept a list of the friends most important to me,” Kathie says, “and checked it monthly to be sure I consciously connected with them.”

Make time: “I have two clocks set on my iPhone. One has my time, the other has Amanda’s,” says Stacy. This keeps her aware of the best times to send a message or plan a call with her friend.

Be a multimedia friend: Apps for video chat and social media provide immediate and convenient connection. Cards, letters, and packages add another level of connection. Technology is essential, but Stacy says, “Mail is the best. Whether it’s German mustard and cookies or much needed Target items.” A letter or care package from a friend has value far beyond the price of postage.

Teach kids to connect: Amanda encourages her children to write cards and letters to friends who are far away. She says it’s also important for her, as a parent, to follow through and mail her children’s letters in a timely way.

Terri Barnes is the author of Spouse Calls: Messages From a Military Life, based on her long-running column in Stars and Stripes. She and her military family stay in touch with friends all over the world.

Kathie Hightower and Holly Scherer are the authors of Military Spouse Journey: Discover the Possibilities and Live Your Dreams. Amanda Trimillos and Stacy Allsbrook-Huisman are the authors of Seasons of my Military Student: Practical Ideas for Parents and Teachers.

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“As military spouses, we’re used to taking one for the team, when it comes to change,” says Judy. “We put our own needs aside and often pay a price. We have to own our feelings and find ways to navigate through change rather than resist it.”

In her book, Right Side Up: Find Your Way When Military Life Turns You Upside Down, Judy recommends a three-step method of dealing with change: accept, regroup, and approach.

She offers three practical tips for putting these steps into action:

1. Acceptance begins with expressing your concerns about change. Have a conversation with your spouse about the coming change, reinforcing your team approach to the change.
2. Regroup and determine what works best for you and your family in any situation. For example, when taking advice from friends who have experienced similar changes, realize your experience will be different. Evaluate your own situation and decide what guidance will be helpful.

“While it is important to ask for advice when you need it, it is just as important to listen and implement that advice with a ‘what’s best for me’ filter,” writes Judy in Right Side Up.

3. Approach change knowing there are options. Options include how to manage the change, as well as how to handle the emotions it will bring. Look for the positive ways you’ve reacted to change in the past. Share your experiences with friends and listen to theirs.

“We can all benefit from the experiences of others whether they have managed change successfully or not,” Judy says. “Sometimes we have no control over the changes in our lives, but it’s important to remember we are in control of our responses to change.”

Photo credit: Karen Pavlicin-Fragnito

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“Don’t think you’ll catch up magically if you fall behind going through mail, or passing on your kids’ outgrown clothes,” says Nonnahs, founding organizer of Get Organized Already in Pasadena, California. “You have to make it a priority and set aside some time. Having a designated time makes the chore easier and less frantic.”

Sharing and trading are cost-effective ways to outfit a home in a new location, says Nonnahs. Make use of the thrift shop, both to donate and to shop for new household needs. Military thrift shops are often stocked with clothing suitable to the local climate, as well as specialized supplies like adapters or appliances for differing electrical currents overseas.

Another constructive and eco-friendly way to get rid of unneeded possessions is to give them directly to new families who need what you don’t.

“For a while my family lived on a training base, which had a fast turnover time,” Nonnahs says. “My parents would store specialty household items in our garage to help provide for the next wave of families coming to the street every eighteen months or so.”

Nonnahs offers these tips to military families for staying organized in moving season or any season:

• Less everyday stuff makes an easier move. Use the knowledge that you are moving to motivate you to keep less. Some types of things, like pots and pans, can be thrown out when they’re worn out. Other things, like books and memorabilia, are more complicated for sentimental reasons.
• Approach your collections like a curator at a museum would approach an exhibit. When a bookshelf is getting full, instead of buying another bookcase, go through the books you have and let go of some.
• For children’s precious artwork and photos, use a sturdy storage box, and let the size of the box serve as a guide to how much to keep. Keep only favorites, and only as much as will fit in the box. Save a few things from each year, for each child, and you’ll have a beautiful collection that’s protected for many more moves to come.
• Use medium-sized, clear plastic bins for storage. Clear so you can see what is in them. Medium sized for easy access and lighter weight per box. Use super-large containers only to store super-large items.
• Buy modular furniture, which can be split up as needed to fit a new space. This may help the costly cycle of buying different furnishings for larger or smaller homes. Buy smaller pieces and add or sell as needed: a sectional or love seat instead of huge sofas, for example. Also helpful: furniture pieces that double as storage.

Nonnahs Driskill grew up in an Air Force family and founded Get Organized already in Pasadena, Calif. For more of her organizing tips, see her Get Organized Already blog and videos.

Maria Reed’s Top Tips for Making a House a Home

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