When it comes to altered holiday plans, curtailed travel, and limited family gatherings, military families might wonder what all the fuss is about. We’ve been here before. Yes, we get it. It’s hard to be outside those holiday comfort zones, but we’ve learned that unusual times can inspire new ways to celebrate, ways that are still meaningful and memorable. Perhaps our experiences can offer a glimmer of hope for civilian friends and neighbors in this pandemic season.

When the holidays roll around, a military family often can’t gather around the holiday table with grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles. We may be in a new location without a large friend group—yet. Deployment or other circumstances might separate us from our spouses or—for active duty members—our children. Each holiday season is different from the last, so we don’t get used to the changes, we adapt.

It’s hard to be outside our comfort zones at the holidays, but we’ve learned that unusual times can inspire new ways to celebrate, ways that are still meaningful and memorable.

Whether stationed overseas or across the country, military families can’t rely on the comfort of visiting the same local light display or Christmas tree farm every year. We might be living in the mountains, the desert, or the tropics. It’s not as glamorous as it sounds. Sometimes it’s just lonely, but the lessons we’ve learned in those those difficult seasons could be helpful to military and civilians families this year. For everyone facing an unusual or difficult holiday season, here are some new ways to celebrate special days:

Lean on Friends

We may not have invented “framily”—friends who become like family—but military families knew it was a thing long before it had a name. We’ve celebrated some wonderful holidays with good friends when we couldn’t be with our family. If a big group isn’t practical, get together with a couple of friends. If gatherings aren’t possible, or if neighbors aren’t friends yet, connect by dropping off homemade holiday decorations or treats. Use this season to build new relationships. You might find someone else in need of friends to lean on.

Enjoy Simplicity

Sure, those big family gatherings are a lot of chaotic fun, but why not take advantage of simpler days while they’re available? Limited holiday options might mean less stress and money spent coordinating travel, preparing big meals, and making time for all the relatives. That also means more room to reflect on the meaning of holiday observances; more space to be mindful of moments with just a few special people. Chaos will surely return. For now, enjoy the benefits of quieter days while they’re here.

Branch Out

A pared down holiday offers another thing most holidays are short on: time. Holiday busy-ness doesn’t always leave time to try something new, but if this holiday is less full and busy, it could provide opportunities to branch out. Perhaps that could include sharing with someone in need, preparing meals, delivering food or clothing. Branching out could also include exploring where you are. Every time and place has its own flavor and opportunities that might not come again. Find something unique to the location or culture and incorporate it into the celebration this year. These experiences can create treasured memories and new traditions.

Be Present

Even if this isn’t the holiday you hoped for, it’s one that will never come again. Be there for it. Next year you might be with the loved ones you’re missing today, but for now enjoy the ones you’re with. Store up memories and stories to tell around the fire in years to come. Make a gratitude list. In every year there’s something to be thankful for, and your list may be longer than you realize.

Even in challenging times, celebrations are important. They remind us of what is essential, even when—or because—we have to be apart. With intentionality and openness to new experiences, even a difficult holiday can be a meaningful one.

Terri Barnes is the author of Spouse Calls: Messages From a Military Life, based on her long-running column in Stars and Stripes. She and her Air Force husband and their military family have celebrated unusual and meaningful holidays on multiple continents—sometimes on separate continents. Terri is also the editor of multiple award-winning books from Elva Resa Publishing.

More ideas and encouragement for the holidays:

• Keeping Traditions in Transition: Making Spirits Bright
• Deployment Holidays: Finding Reasons to Celebrate

The post New Ways to Celebrate: Military Life Offers Inspiration appeared first on Military Family Life.

None of that prepared her for what happened when her husband, Brad, got an overseas assignment, arguably when she was at the top of her professional game.

“It was a major career hit for me,” Jacey says. “My phone fell silent. I went from 250 emails a day to a Talbots ad and an invitation to a coffee morning. None of the local companies were hiring people who did not speak fluent Norwegian. I felt like I lost myself.”

When Brad’s next assignment brought the couple back to the U.S. Jacey knew picking up where she left off in her stateside career was not an option. She’d have to do what military spouses often have to do: start again.

“I did not know what to do, so I planted a bunch of career seeds at once. Some grew, and some did not,” she says. “I started researching how other people handled significant life change and shared strategies online, and the Next Door Project was born.”

“The world gives you little hints about what you should be doing,” says Jacey. “You just have to pay attention.”

The Next Door Project is a platform for Jacey’s speaking, consulting, career coaching, and writing endeavors. True to her experience, her specialty is helping people in transition to look for, create, and recognize opportunities. Jacey offers these tips for managing career transitions:

Know your local environment.

“Get local contacts and local interests. People get jobs through contacts.”

Know what you have to offer.

“Identify what you have to sell in the marketplace.”

Know what the world needs.

“Identify what the market is willing to buy. That takes some experimenting,”

Know your priorities.

“Be honest about what you really want in your heart of hearts and soul of souls. I want to have lots of time to write, and I want live where Brad lives. I’m willing to sacrifice some career stability to get those two things.”

More training or education may be helpful, but it’s not the most important thing, Jacey says.

“One of the most common mistakes we military spouses make is to keep going back to school, hoping to make ourselves more marketable. Instead, we need to work on making ourselves more local. Unless a degree is required to get a license in your field, like law, teaching, or nursing, don’t get another degree.”

Even with goals in mind, the right training, and local contacts, career transitions are difficult. Maintaining personal balance and self-confidence is a challenge, as is determining what job will be the right fit.

Jacey says one of the hardest things she had to do in her latest transition is to redefine her expectations of what the right job would look like.

“I heard about a part-time job that would let me teach new veterans how to get jobs, but I was worried that it was not a logical step up for me. I’d be a red-shoe gal in a brown-shoe world,” she says. “Then I found out how much I had to learn about the topic, how it was an epic task for veterans, a group I care about most in the world.”

It was a challenge she couldn’t refuse. She took the job and says it’s one of the best she’s ever had. Still she admits finding the next door of opportunity is never easy, even with years of experience. For reassurance and stability, she goes back to what is most important to her.

“I’d love to tell you that I am a Mrs. Miniver, totally unruffled by the slings and arrows of military life,” Jacey says. “Really, I’m a squirrel, and I am totally ruffled and freaking out all the time about work. Brad is my rock. And, to be fair, Starbucks. The habit of writing every day at Starbucks keeps me productive, no matter what.”

Jacey Eckhart is a coauthor of Stories around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life, author of The Homefront Club, and the creator of the Next Door Project.

The post Knocking on Doors: Jacey Eckhart on Career Transitions appeared first on Military Family Life.

These comments from experienced military spouses reveal the challenges of the readjustment process:

• Life tends to be more family oriented at overseas assignments, and it’s a tightness you don’t have in the States. I loved the fact that the (overseas) community is very close-knit, and now I miss that.
• Returning stateside is harder than we expected. Suddenly home doesn’t feel like home. It’s almost shocking to be back in America where everyone speaks your language. In public, we sometimes feel a loss of privacy, because everyone can understand our English conversations.
• Even the English vocabulary is different. Back in the States, people don’t use words like “Stateside” or “downrange” much. They usually say “here” or “deployed.”
• We missed American restaurants like Chick Fil-A when we were overseas, but what I wouldn’t do for a jagerschnitzel or a doner right now!
• The first time we went to an American restaurant, we were distracted by how many times the waitress came by our table to ask how we were doing.
• When we lived in Japan, I adjusted pretty easily to driving on the “wrong” side. Now that I’m back, I keep getting into the passenger seat of my car and wondering where the steering wheel went.
• We didn’t recognize the slower, more relaxed pace of life in Germany until we returned to the frenetic pace of life back in the US.
• At first when you move overseas, you are frustrated by having fewer choices, as in doing most of your shopping at the Exchange or commissary. You learn to live comfortably within those options, after returning stateside, it seems there are too many choices.

Any adjustment takes time, even returning to a familiar location. Just knowing that culture shock may be a factor can help families prepare and set reasonable expectations for a period of adjustment. Some challenges are major, others are minor, but all can be overcome with some preparation and patience. 

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