Military spouses face unique barriers to employment, such as frequent moves and deployments, contributing to a 22 percent unemployment rate. The National Military Spouse Network (NMSN) has been spearheading a grassroots effort to bring forward legislation to help. The Military Spouse Hiring Act is the closest it has ever been to being passed, and you can help!

The Military Spouse Hiring Act is a set of two identical bills in the US House and Senate, known as HR2974/S3909, that would expand the Work Opportunity Tax Credit (WOTC) to include military spouses. The WOTC is a federal tax credit available to employers who invest in American job seekers who have consistently faced barriers to employment.

Both bills have been introduced to Congress with bipartisan support. Representative Don Beyer [D-VA-8] and Senator Tim Kaine [D-VA] sponsored the bills, and there are more than 280 cosponsors in the House and 53 cosponsors in the Senate. As Congress enters what is known as the “lame duck” season, where new leaders have been elected but are not yet in office, work is still being done to try to push this legislation through Congress and onto the President’s desk by the end of the year.

Rep. Beyer and Sen. Kaine are exploring ways to pass the bills this year, either by putting them on the consent calendar or adding the WOTC change as an amendment to another bill that must pass this year, such as appropriations. Rep. Beyer said HR2974 is his number one priority, and he will do his best to get it over the finish line. If the bills do not pass, the process will start over with a new Congress, where there is no guarantee of the same support.

Military members make up a small percentage of the population and many members of Congress don’t understand the impact of military service on military families. We have an opportunity to use our military life stories to help Congress understand how their support of legislation like the Military Spouse Hiring Act will have an immediate positive impact.

Four easy things you can do today:

1. Call members of Congress to thank them for their co-sponsorship of the Military Spouse Hiring Act. Check to see co-sponsors here: HR2974/S3909.
2. Call the staff and offices of Rep. Beyer and Sen. Kaine to thank them for their leadership on this important issue.
3. Call the offices of the US senators and US representatives from your state to tell them how important these bills are and ask for their support to pass the bills before the end of the current legislative session. Tell them your personal story to help them understand the challenges military spouses face. In this time of great political division, it is especially important to remind political leaders that this issue is bipartisan.
4. Invite your representatives to come to your base so they can hear from military spouses directly about their experiences.

Your voice is so important to keep the grassroots momentum going! Four years ago, 24 military spouses visited congressional offices on Capitol Hill to share the challenges and offer suggestions about what legislators could do to help. Today, the Military Spouse Hiring Act, HR2974/S3909, is so close to being passed!

As NMSN’s president, Sue Hoppin, says: “If we ever hope to make significant and lasting change for military spouses on the issue of employment, we need to reinvigorate the same community effort that successfully turned the tide for veteran employment a decade ago.”

Additional Advocacy

Legislation is only part of NMSN’s advocacy. In The 2022 NMSN White Paper, they highlight the work they have done and continue to do. Their main focus has been gathering data. While there have been many military spouse programs implemented, the data to see if these metrics are working is not there.

For instance, this year the Department of Defense (DoD) announced that for the first time, all military spouses would be able to participate in its biennial Active Duty Spouse Survey. However, the questions were shortened, with only four multiple choice questions and one open ended question. While it is great that all military spouses were included, the lack of information and data collected will continue to limit progress without a baseline assessment.

Another area of advocacy that NMSN is focused on is military spouse under-employment. If spouses are unable to secure employment or forced to take a pay decrease at a new location due to a move, it exacerbates already-tough financial challenges faced by military families both during and after military service. Spouses face being stationed in locations where work options are unavailable, or the timing of a move negatively impacts their eligibility for 401(k)s or Individual Retirement Accounts.

According to Sue, “Unfortunately, too often announcements touting successful military spouse employment initiatives can also be unintentionally misleading. In many instances, those employment successes combine veteran and military spouse hiring initiatives and reflect a single point in time. Even if a spouse successfully gains employment at one assignment, they may find themselves in an entirely different labor market just 18 months later. A military spouse’s inability to retain employment through a PCS transition also means greater challenges qualifying for employment-related benefits like career development, advancement and vesting of employer contributions to retirement funds.”

NMSN’s recommendations:

1. The DoD should create a standard set of metrics to evaluate programs for their impact.
2. Congress should study the inability of military spouses to benefit from financial vesting programs due to military service.
3. The Domestic Employee Teleworking Overseas (DETO) program should be expanded to ensure that military spouses who secure employment with a federal department or agency are able to maintain their employment during assignments overseas.
4. An SBA Small Business Concern classification should be created specifically for military spouses.
5. Congress should consider authorizing the development of a military spouse experience map through the lens of employment.

NMSN will continue to advocate for all military spouses no matter what stage of their employment journey they are in. “While the NMSN may focus primarily on military spouse professionals, we know that NMSN’s work also supports the military spouse who needs a job just to make ends meet during a transition. NMSN promotes inclusive collaboration on military spouse employment by advocating for all military spouses no matter where they are in their employment journey,” Sue says.

To explore the challenges military spouses face and the lack of data for military spouse unemployment in more depth, read Sue’s letter. To learn more about NMSN, head to their website or connect with Sue. Watch for the new 2023 White Paper on January 25, 2023.

Photo: At a December 2022 roundtable, National Military Spouse Network President Sue Hoppin talked with Congressman Don Beyer and Professor Janet Breslin Smith about the Military Spouse Hiring Act. The discussion was presented by USAA, with Mike Kelly attending.

Amanda Huffman is a veteran, military spouse, podcaster (Women of the Military), and the author of A Girl’s Guide to Military Service.

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The COVID-19 pandemic shifted the world to a remote-first approach to work, making a home office more of a requirement than option for many. For those not used to working from home, navigating the distractions of a blended home-work life can be exhausting.

Even the most disciplined workers may find themselves inserted into a shifting puzzle of caring for younger children, virtual school days, multiple adults working from home, and simultaneous video calls. Remote work can also feel isolating, especially for military spouses who are home alone during the day, stationed far away from extended family, or going through a spouse’s deployment.

There are many ways to succeed at remote work. Whether you are making the best of your current temporary situation, or wanting to make remote work more permanent, knowing what helps you perform your best everyday will help you stay calm and productive.

Military spouse and author Laura Briggs has worked remotely for eight years. Laura offers four tips to make working remotely work for you: manage your time, create boundaries, overcommunicate, and practice self care.

Manage Your Time

When Laura first began her remote work journey, one of her biggest challenges was learning how to manage her schedule so she could be productive.

“You need to be intentional with your time working from home,” Laura says. “Part of it is knowing what you can reasonably accomplish in a day’s amount of work. For example, I have meetings all day Tuesdays, so I’ll never assign myself a task on Tuesdays.”

Keep track of which hours are your best thinking hours. If you’re a morning person, tackle more complex projects early in the day and save routine tasks for the afternoon.

Keep your work area organized so you can easily locate and avoid misplacing work papers. Although your coworkers may not be able to see your clutter-free workspace, your time will be more focused and efficient.

Create Boundaries

A dedicated home office space is imperative for remote work. If you are interviewing for positions, potential employers want to ensure candidates have a professional setting with good lighting and reliable internet. If you are transitioning your role from in-office to remote, you want to ensure the separation of work and home life can remain intact.

Ideally, you want to work in a room away from the dishes, laundry, or TV. If space constraints put your home office in your family room or at your kitchen table, create a separation of work-home through your actions.

“It personally helps me to get dressed every single day before work,” Laura says. “My coworkers … know I will always show up to the video call with hair and makeup done and an official outfit.”

While working in sweats may be just fine for your productivity, there are other ways to get your remote workday off to a good start. Daily coffee or tea, a morning stretch or mediation session, or listening to a podcast that you would’ve listened to on your drive into the office are a few ways you can put your mindset into work mode.

It’s also important to develop ground rules to avoid work disruptions. For example, a closed door could be a signal to your spouse or children that you are busy and shouldn’t be disturbed unless there is an emergency (give them examples of what you consider an emergency). A door cracked open could mean they can knock to see if it’s okay to come in.

Overcommunicate

Consistent, clear communication is important at work and home.

Talk with your colleagues about your weekly goals, and check in with each other to offer support throughout the week. When your plate is full, tell your supervisor, team, and other departments you can’t take on more work.

Let coworkers know how and when is best to communicate with you. Be aware of your tone and how what you say may be interpreted, especially in an email.

Talk with your family about your work responsibilities. Get everyone on board with your goals and schedule. This will help reinforce boundaries (like when they are allowed to interrupt your work day) and help them understand why this job is important to you.

Practice Self Care

Working remotely, while more flexible, requires a similar self-care routine as commuting to a job outside the home. It may be even more important if you work from home alone.

Take breaks in between project tasks or virtual meetings. Set an alarm to remind you to get up from your computer and drink a glass of water. Schedule time for a walk outside.

Pay attention to ergonomics. A sore neck, tired eyes, tight shoulder, or stiff hips are signs you may need to adjust your seat, keyboard, or monitor. Move and stretch often.

Keep work hours to the amount of time you’ve agreed to with your supervisor. If you own your own business, set guidelines for yourself (and any employees) that will clearly signal when it’s time to turn your attention to personal items.

It’s easy to let work stress slip into the rest of your family life, especially when your commute home from the office means turning a doorknob. An end-of-day ritual that creates separation physically and mentally can help you manage stress and effectively transition from work mindset to being fully present for your family or your own personal time.

At the end of the day, “I turn my computer off. I close the lid. I shut the door to the home office,” says Laura.

Laura Briggs is writing a book about remote work for military spouses, to be published in 2022 by Elva Resa Publishing.

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This wedding tradition, in which military service members shelter a newly-married couple beneath an Arch of Swords (or Sabers) as they exit the church and go out into the world, was originally created as a symbol of welcoming a new spouse into military life and a pledge of fidelity from the military member’s branch of service to the new couple.

Every military family member, whether or not they’ve walked beneath an arch of swords, has a story about the beginning of their military family life and their first experience of being welcomed into the military community. Many were born into it, others married into it, and some entered military life when they themselves chose to serve.

By the time I married my Marine, we had already experienced two deployments, more than one household move, a change in my work status, and all the fun of maintaining a relationship across multiple state lines. Those experiences, and our military family life in the years following our official Arch of Swords welcome, helped shape the person I am today and my view of what it means to belong to a community.

Many of my closest friends are those who went through deployments, moves, and other military life challenges with me. Life is better when you go through it with friends who understand.

I am honored to continue supporting military families in my work as publisher at Elva Resa Publishing, the leading US publisher of books for military families.

Elva Resa’s team of authors, illustrators, and editors is grounded in the military community. Using our collective experience, we work together to serve and support military families and to make a positive difference in people’s lives.And so, we welcome you to Military Family Life, an online resource offering information and encouragement to military families. A gathering of friends. Military Family Life celebrates all that is inspiring, challenging, and unique in military life.

You’ll find ideas and advice from other military family members who share their experience with the hope it will make this life a little easier, a little more meaningful, for a fellow military family.

Whether you are newly married, going through your sixth deployment, or getting ready to retire after a long career—military life is better when you go through it with friends who get it, so we’re glad you’re here.

Welcome to Military Family Life.

#MilitaryFamilyLife
Web: MilitaryFamilyLife.com
Facebook: /MilitaryFamilyLife
Twitter: @MilFamLife
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Feature photo: Arch of Swords at the wedding of Karen Price and Lt Bob Pavlicin, USMC. Photo credit: M. Ferguson. Photo use courtesy of Karen Pavlicin-Fragnito.

Contact Military Family Life

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“Don’t think you’ll catch up magically if you fall behind going through mail, or passing on your kids’ outgrown clothes,” says Nonnahs, founding organizer of Get Organized Already in Pasadena, California. “You have to make it a priority and set aside some time. Having a designated time makes the chore easier and less frantic.”

Sharing and trading are cost-effective ways to outfit a home in a new location, says Nonnahs. Make use of the thrift shop, both to donate and to shop for new household needs. Military thrift shops are often stocked with clothing suitable to the local climate, as well as specialized supplies like adapters or appliances for differing electrical currents overseas.

Another constructive and eco-friendly way to get rid of unneeded possessions is to give them directly to new families who need what you don’t.

“For a while my family lived on a training base, which had a fast turnover time,” Nonnahs says. “My parents would store specialty household items in our garage to help provide for the next wave of families coming to the street every eighteen months or so.”

Nonnahs offers these tips to military families for staying organized in moving season or any season:

• Less everyday stuff makes an easier move. Use the knowledge that you are moving to motivate you to keep less. Some types of things, like pots and pans, can be thrown out when they’re worn out. Other things, like books and memorabilia, are more complicated for sentimental reasons.
• Approach your collections like a curator at a museum would approach an exhibit. When a bookshelf is getting full, instead of buying another bookcase, go through the books you have and let go of some.
• For children’s precious artwork and photos, use a sturdy storage box, and let the size of the box serve as a guide to how much to keep. Keep only favorites, and only as much as will fit in the box. Save a few things from each year, for each child, and you’ll have a beautiful collection that’s protected for many more moves to come.
• Use medium-sized, clear plastic bins for storage. Clear so you can see what is in them. Medium sized for easy access and lighter weight per box. Use super-large containers only to store super-large items.
• Buy modular furniture, which can be split up as needed to fit a new space. This may help the costly cycle of buying different furnishings for larger or smaller homes. Buy smaller pieces and add or sell as needed: a sectional or love seat instead of huge sofas, for example. Also helpful: furniture pieces that double as storage.

Nonnahs Driskill grew up in an Air Force family and founded Get Organized already in Pasadena, Calif. For more of her organizing tips, see her Get Organized Already blog and videos.

Maria Reed’s Top Tips for Making a House a Home

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Tips for Deployment Goodbye and Separation:

• As spouses, talk about how you will communicate during the deployment to keep your relationship strong – be honest and flexible. For example, writing every day may not be a promise you can keep. Find out if you will have cell phone connectivity, whether you can depend on email and if the computer is private. Agree on what kinds of things you don’t want to—or cannot—talk about via email or messaging.
• If you have children, let them participate in the preparation, saying goodbye, and throughout the deployment. They have all the same fears and anxieties about this separation.
• Talk to your children about the ways they can communicate with their absent parent. Suggest daily tangible reminders of the deployed parent: a photo or a handwritten note to keep on their nightstand.
• Set aside time for each family member to spend some time with the person deploying. Give everyone time to ask and answer questions and say individual goodbyes.
• Before departure is a good time to begin journaling about deployment. The goodbye process is part of the deployment experience, and journaling can help process emotions, for spouses and for children.
• Get the names of other spouses in the unit. They will have access to information you need, or vice versa, and will understand your situation. You may have other friends and family to support you, but they may not have the same access to information or have the same understanding of what you are going through as other spouses who walk through deployment with you. If your spouse does not deploy as part of a unit, seek out a deployed spouse’s group to find others who understand.
• Give children plenty of reassurance, amid the stress and busy-ness of deployment preparation. They need to know your family is united, even when you will be apart.

Stress levels are high as deployment approaches, so be prepared for family and marital conflict. An approaching departure guarantees feelings of sadness, and anger is a common mask for sadness. Address conflicts in the family with honesty and compassion. Let the little things slide. They will not seem so important after all the goodbyes are said.

Everyone in a military family is affected by saying goodbye and being apart in different ways. Even those who have been through deployment before will find each experience is different, because each is surrounded by different circumstances. Talking through the circumstances and emotions ahead of time can ease some of the fears and concerns that are a part of every deployment.

These tips are adapted from Surviving Deployment: A Guide for Military Families by Karen Pavlicin.

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These comments from experienced military spouses reveal the challenges of the readjustment process:

• Life tends to be more family oriented at overseas assignments, and it’s a tightness you don’t have in the States. I loved the fact that the (overseas) community is very close-knit, and now I miss that.
• Returning stateside is harder than we expected. Suddenly home doesn’t feel like home. It’s almost shocking to be back in America where everyone speaks your language. In public, we sometimes feel a loss of privacy, because everyone can understand our English conversations.
• Even the English vocabulary is different. Back in the States, people don’t use words like “Stateside” or “downrange” much. They usually say “here” or “deployed.”
• We missed American restaurants like Chick Fil-A when we were overseas, but what I wouldn’t do for a jagerschnitzel or a doner right now!
• The first time we went to an American restaurant, we were distracted by how many times the waitress came by our table to ask how we were doing.
• When we lived in Japan, I adjusted pretty easily to driving on the “wrong” side. Now that I’m back, I keep getting into the passenger seat of my car and wondering where the steering wheel went.
• We didn’t recognize the slower, more relaxed pace of life in Germany until we returned to the frenetic pace of life back in the US.
• At first when you move overseas, you are frustrated by having fewer choices, as in doing most of your shopping at the Exchange or commissary. You learn to live comfortably within those options, after returning stateside, it seems there are too many choices.

Any adjustment takes time, even returning to a familiar location. Just knowing that culture shock may be a factor can help families prepare and set reasonable expectations for a period of adjustment. Some challenges are major, others are minor, but all can be overcome with some preparation and patience. 

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A few tips from Julie LaBelle, military wife and mom of a Marine, for parents of deployed service members:

• Support your son or daughter’s decision to serve. As the parent of an adult, your role is supportive and–only when asked—advisory.
• If your deployed son or daughter is married, stay in communication with his or her spouse as well. Defer to your son- or daughter-in-law and be supportive of the family during deployment.
• Connect as much as possible but keep your messages positive. Fill them in on what’s going on, and use discretion when sharing negative news.
• When family gatherings happen, let them know they are missed without making them feel they are missing out.
• Send letters, pictures, and care packages occasionally. Send items that are practical as well as treats. Include healthy snacks.
• Stay informed about your deployed son or daughter, but don’t obsess over the latest news, or lack thereof.
• Engage in activities you enjoy. Surround yourself with hobbies and interests. Stay healthy and exercise frequently.
• Journal or find a personal or private way to communicate your thoughts.
• Develop your own support network. If you can, find another parent who’s been there and can guide you. Or find someone with whom you can share a common bond.
• Consider joining an organization like Blue Star Mothers of America, a group that connects the parents of service members with chapters all over the nation.

Julie LaBelle endured time apart from her husband, Ed, and son, Alex, who each deployed as Marines. She shares her deployment experience as a coauthor of Stories Around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life and author of My Dad’s Deployment: A Deployment and Reunion Activity Book for Young Children.

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Nancy Polette’s middle grade picture book, N Is for Never Forget: POW-MIA A to Z, includes many stories of American military heroes who were prisoners of war or were missing in action, as well as the ways military service is recognized in the United States. The book also includes suggested ways to honor veterans past and present. Here are some ideas based on Nancy’s book:

• Talk to a veteran or active duty service member in your family or community. Ask the veteran to tell his or her story.
• Write down the story. Take new pictures, or request past pictures of the veteran or service member. Use the story and pictures to make a book, and present it to the veteran or veteran’s family as a gift.
• Write a veteran’s story for your school or local paper. Be sure to get permission from the person before putting it in any publication. Use pictures if appropriate.
• Attend a Veterans Day parade or another special event in your community to honor veterans.
• If you see a military member in uniform, say, “Thank you for your service.”
• Visit a war memorial or veterans’ cemetery in your area. Read the names and inscriptions. What do you learn out about the people who served in the military by visiting places like this? Write down your thoughts and experiences.
• Volunteer, alongside family or friends, at an organization or event that supports wounded warriors.
• Find out about volunteer opportunities or needs at a Veterans Affairs hospital in your area.
• Write a letter to a military member serving far from his or her family.
• Read books about veterans and the ways they have served and sacrificed.
• Place flags or wreaths on veterans’ graves. Ask a local veterans organization or Wreaths Across America about opportunities near you. Wreaths Across America is an organization that places flags and wreaths on veterans’ graves across the nation with help from volunteers and donors.

The book N Is for Never Forget: POW-MIA A to Z by Nancy Polette was illustrated by Paul Dillon, whose father was a prisoner of war during World War II. The illustration of a Veterans Day parade featured with this article appears on the N page of the book. Reprinted with permission.

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“In helping professions … there’s a lot of pouring out,” says military spouse Corie Weathers, author of Sacred Spaces: My Journey to the Heart of Military Marriage. “In both military and first-responder marriages, I see people sacrificing themselves to take care of others.”

Corie is a licensed professional counselor. Her husband, Matt, is an army chaplain. The two often work side-by-side, leading marriage retreats and other events focused on healthy military marriage.

No one can pour out all the time without pouring in as well to sustain their own relationships, so Corie and Matt give priority to their marriage and their two sons.

“Matt and I ask each other often, ‘Where are we giving our best?’ We know we need to save some of that for each other. If I’m giving everything during the day at work, I have nothing left. That’s not fair to my family. Our job and our calling is to invest in people, but to keep doing that sometimes we have to do the exact opposite, to circle the wagons around our own relationship.”

Corie also feels a responsibility to live out the advice she gives as a counselor, speaker, and author. One piece of advice she offers is to “Pursue your spouse.” She explains that pursuing means being proactive in the relationship, to take actions to avoid problems, or to make the first step toward reconciliation when issues arise.

Corie offers some of her own best practices for pursuing a healthy marriage:

• Put phones away: Dinner time is not screen time for anybody. We have a charging station, and we try to put our phones there after 5 p.m., so they don’t follow us to the couch or the dinner table. We don’t always follow this perfectly. Sometimes a call or email is necessary, but we put our phones away otherwise.
• Evenings together: After 8 p.m. is my time with Matt. Kids have bed time, or reading time, so Matt and I can pay attention to each other. This varies by the needs of your children, but it’s important to make time together a priority.
• Date night: We try to go out together as a couple at least once a week. Sometimes this just means getting outside together to take a walk without the kids.
• Exhaustion only as necessary: Sometimes a particular work situation requires our undivided attention and all our energy, but we make this the exception rather than the rule. The rest of the time, we save our best for one another.
• Regular check ins: We say to one another, “You’ve been giving a lot lately. What do you need?” This means that we also have to pay attention to what the other is doing and giving, as well as to ourselves.

Corie Weathers is an army chaplain’s wife and the author of Sacred Spaces: My Journey to the Heart of Military Marriage. She is also the host of the Lifegiver Podcast, supporting healthy marriages for military and first-responder couples.

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• Have a plan and mentally prepare yourself for the move before it comes.
• Expect changes. Don’t be surprised when things aren’t the way they were in your old school. Each school or town has its own character.
• Try not to compare a new school to an old one. If you can accept the way things are in a new place, it will be a lot easier to adjust to the changes.
• Look for places and activities in your new town that correspond to your interests, like professional sports events, vintage record stores, bookstores, and museums
• Find out how to get involved in school activities before the school year starts. Check social media or call the school about clubs or organizations you are interested in.
• Join in. If you were in marching band, drama club, sports, etc. at your old school, join the same club at your new school. Many of these organizations start practice during the summer and could give you a chance to meet a few students before school starts. Having a few new friends and some familiarity in a new environment makes adjusting much easier on the first day of classes. 
• Connecting with a church can be an easy way to meet people your age. Most churches have youth activities. If you try one, and don’t like it, don’t be afraid to try a different one. 
• Keep in touch with old friends. It is hard to relocate; don’t try to make it an abrupt change. Look at moving as an opportunity to make new friends without losing old ones. 
• Meet new people. Confidence attracts. Introduce yourself, even if you feel shy.
• Get out! Go to football games or other places where lots of students are. The faster you can become familiar with people and the town, the better. Pretty soon, you won’t be “the new kid,” you will be part of your new high school. 

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