Start a New Hobby or Invest in an Existing One

Having a hobby is a great way for children to develop creativity, ownership, and pride in their abilities. If your child already has a hobby, consider a special gift to further their interest. For example, if they love to paint, purchase a special paint or brush set. If they don’t yet have a hobby, talk with them about their interests and see if they may want to give something new a try.

Enjoy Weekly Fun Night

Pick a night, Friday, for example, and give your child the power to decide what the family does for every Friday night in April. Whether it’s an activity like watching a movie or choosing what dinner will be, encourage them to make plans and then have fun doing those things!

Wear Purple

This one is on every list to celebrate Month of the Military Child, and for a good reason! Purple Up! Day gives Americans the opportunity to wear purple in support of military children, thanking them for their strength and sacrifices. The official Purple Up! Day, established by the Department of Defense Education Activity (DoDEA), is April 15, but individual state calendars may designate a different day. Help your child pick out their favorite purple apparel or, if the budget allows, help them pick out a new purple piece to add to their wardrobe!

Talk to Teachers

We know military children have unique challenges when it comes to school. Those challenges are amplified when school is virtual or hybrid and students don’t have the face-to-face time with their peers and teachers. Involving a teacher or coach in celebrations can be a nice surprise for your military child—and it may even be a positive effect for other military-connected students in the school.

Involve Your Kids!

Ask your children what would make them feel special throughout the month. There’s a good chance it may not take much to make them feel seen, appreciated, and loved. Perhaps they would love to make homemade pizza, eat their favorite ice cream, or spend quality time playing games with their family. Maybe they would like to write in a new journal, go on a hike, or stay in their pajamas and read books all day! You never know unless you ask!

The post Five Ways to Purple Up! at Home appeared first on Military Family Life.

That’s why Lizann, The Seasoned Spouse, advises couples to be proactive and set aside time for financial planning when they are together. Good planning includes a budget for the present, setting long-term goals for the future, and recognizing how military life may affect spending and saving needs.

“A budget is a snapshot of where you are right now, as well as a schedule for where you want to be next month, or even a year from now.”

— Lizann Lightfoot

“A budget is a snapshot of where you are right now, as well as a schedule for where you want to be next month, or even a year from now,” says Lizann. “Think of it like a puzzle to solve, or a treasure hunt where you find all the hidden drains on your bank account. You can redirect that money from the drain into savings that could reduce stress during a move or deployment.”

Moving Money

A budget should balance income, expenses, and set aside money for unexpected expenses or emergencies. For military families, it’s especially helpful to have savings to bolster the budget during a move.

“Military couples can get thrown off their budget by a PCS,” says Lizann. “There are a lot of out-of-pocket expenses associated with moving, so having some money set aside is helpful. Even if you do a military-funded move, you may still need to transport pets or a second vehicle. Big expenses can throw off your usual spending plan for months afterwards.”

Also, every move brings plenty of smaller expenses that add up. Some of those may be reimbursed, but still require money up front.

Deployed Dollars

Deployment can also disrupt a military family’s budget, even if the deployment results in additional pay rather than additional expenses.

“Deployments involve a lot of changes and stress, for both the service member and the spouse,” says Lizann. “Financial difficulties add to that stress, so it’s important to get on the same page before deployment begins.”

Decisions about how to handle pay increases are easier to make when a couple can speak face to face, she says. It reduces the chance for disagreements about spending when separation makes communication more difficult. Another part of planning for being apart during deployment is deciding who will pay bills and how to handle unexpected expenses or financial decisions that arise between departure and homecoming.

Similarly, it’s good to have a plan for how to handle any pay increase, whether from a promotion or a bonus.

Looking Ahead

Even for young couples, it’s not too early to plan for retirement, says Lizann, whether or not they plan to stay in the military. Military members are eligible for different types of retirement and savings plans depending on when they began their service and how long they serve. Couples should find out what plan or plans apply to their family and decide how much to set aside for retirement planning or for college savings.

Financial planning, says Lizann, is not a one-time event. It’s an ongoing conversation and requires regular check-ups together. New babies, deployments, career changes, and moves will all require adjustments.

So make a date, light the candles, and get out the spreadsheets. It may not sound romantic, but togetherness in financial planning is a relationship investment that will pay off—not only with money in the bank, but also with confidence in each other—for many years to come.

The post Make a Date for Togetherness in Financial Planning appeared first on Military Family Life.

Military parents have many skills for guiding their children through the uncertainty of deployments and frequent moves. As the COVID-19 pandemic brings even more uncertainty, military families are using those skills and developing new ones to help their children navigate uncertainty through school closures, social distancing, stay at home orders, and worldwide health concerns.

Rachel Robertson, author of Deployment Journal for Kids and an expert in early childhood development for Bright Horizons Family Solutions, says parents should be intentional in the ways they address their children’s needs in times of uncertainty.

“As parents we have to keep children emotionally as well as physically safe,” says Rachel. “They notice our anxiety, whether verbal or nonverbal. As long as their world is safe and predictable, and the people they love and care about are safe and predictable they usually feel pretty good. As adults the best gift we can give is the strength of our calm presence, simple reassurances that make the world feel safe and manageable.”

“As adults the best gift we can give is the strength of our calm presence, simple reassurances that make the world feel safe and manageable.”

–Rachel Robertson

Parents can also provide stability by building predictability into each day, creating routines and sticking with them. Circumstances will require adjustments, but when possible incorporate old and familiar habits into the new normal.

Comforting Routines

Army spouse Amy Bushatz, coauthor of Stories Around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life and managing editor at Military.com, says maintaining consistency and routine is helpful to her two sons, who are in elementary school.

“We offer stability and consistency where we can (as we do) during moves or when their dad is gone,” Amy says. “We’ve created a daily schedule that we stick to … and we’re being really intentional about doing specific things, like getting dressed instead of spending the whole day in pajamas, spending time outside, turning off the TV or electronics, eating meals together, and going to bed on time. That’s stuff they know they can rely on every day.”

“We offer stability and consistency where we can. We’ve created a daily schedule that we stick to, and we’re being really intentional about doing specific things”

— Amy Bushatz

Stacy Allsbrook-Huisman, coauthor of Seasons of My Military Student: Practical Ideas for Parents and Teachers, whose two children are in elementary and middle school, says a routine helps kids adjust to a new schedule that may include online school.

Amanda Trimillos, a teacher and mom and also a coauthor of Seasons of My Military Student: Practical Ideas for Parents and Teachers, agrees that a schedule is important, even if it’s not as strict as it would be if there were buses to catch or a bell schedule to meet.

“It’s okay to sleep in, but get up and get dressed every day,” she says, adding that free time and play time are essential. “Go outside every day. Play music and dance.”

Serious Play

The benefits of free time to play and be creative go beyond fresh air and exercise and should be part of every day, says Rachel. Creative play is one way kids process emotions and events.

“It is critical in times of trauma that kids still have time to play. It’s the way they process life and stress. If they’re not talking about their feelings, one way to find out about their feelings is to observe their play.”

Watching how kids play, what they paint, draw, or create gives parents a window into what they might be feeling, a guide to the questions that will draw out those emotions when a conversation is needed.

Asking Questions

When kids ask questions, it’s important discern the concerns that underlie their questions and to give honest answers appropriate to a child’s age and needs.

“Be appropriately honest,” says Rachel. “If your family is affected (by uncertain circumstances), let kids know what will happen, but reassure them that you will always love and care for them. If they ask a really tough question, ask them what they think before offering an answer. This will help you gauge what kind of answer they are looking for.”

A child may be asking for facts or seeking reassurance or both. Children always need the reassurance that their parents are with them and will take care of them. When talking to kids, let them direct the conversation, says Becky Harris, a nationally certified school psychologist and military spouse.

“Talk to them on a level they can understand and to the extent they are interested,” says Becky. “If you are talking about COVID-19 and they change the subject to Minecraft, then change the subject and talk about Minecraft.”

“If you are talking about COVID-19 and they change the subject to Minecraft, then change the subject and talk about Minecraft.”

–Becky Harris

If parents are concerned about changes in a child’s behavior, says Becky, they should look for patterns, changes that happen multiple times over a period days or weeks. This includes sleeping and eating patterns, their levels of activity and communication.

Thankful Thoughts

Another healthy habit is to choose gratitude, says Amanda.

“It’s easy to find something to panic about daily, but it is just as important to find something to be grateful about daily,” she says. “When our internet was down with four children trying to attend online classes and complete assignments, we decided to be grateful for family, sun, and teachers who showed grace in an unavoidable situation. We are teaching our children to show grace to others, and to ask for grace themselves. We remind them that school is about learning skills. Living life in a pandemic will also teach them life skills. We went on a family bike ride. We played games. We read together and laughed together. It’s an important life skill to recognize that food, drink, and family will sustain us.”

Important ways to help kids through uncertain times:

• Maintain consistency, both emotionally and physically with regular routines: Include good sleep, healthy foods, time for play, creativity, and physical activity. Spend time outside when possible.
• Answer serious questions with answers appropriate to a child’s age and underlying needs.
• Limit screen time and news intake for everyone: Children absorb information, even when they don’t seem to be listening to news broadcasts playing in the background. Turn off the news, and listen to music, or enjoy quiet time.
• Find ways kids can contribute at home and in the community. Chores at home, artwork, letters for friends, donate to a local charity helping people in need.
• Modeling good self-care is the best way parents can help kids develop healthy habits. Parents also need to tend their own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs to be strong for their children.
• Talk to a counselor. This applies to anyone in the family who would benefit from it.

Terri Barnes is a military spouse and author of Spouse Calls: Messages From a Military Life, based on her long-running column in Stars and Stripes. She is also the editor of several award-winning books from Elva Resa Publishing.

Additional resources:

Parenting Through Uncertainty from Bright Horizons podcast: Teach. Play. Love. (featuring Rachel Robertson)

Helping Children Cope with Changes Resulting from COVID-19 from the National Association of School Psychologists

The post Helping Children Navigate Uncertainty appeared first on Military Family Life.

Giving back is the key to getting the most out of any military assignment. Finding ways to contribute to an adopted locale, according to military spouses, is often the best way to connect and feel at home in a new duty station.

“Every time we move to a new place, connecting to our community feels like an important way to establish ourselves,” says Claire Wood, army spouse, blogger and podcaster at MilSpo Gurus. “We know we won’t be permanent residents, but we find that when we seek connections, our time on station is so much richer and more meaningful.”

Lisa Smith Molinari, navy spouse and author of the upcoming book The Meat and Potatoes of Life: My True Lit Com (Elva Resa Spring 2020) says volunteering has always provided her family with opportunities for fun and connection.

“Helping out might have seemed saintly, but it was the quickest way to make new friends, and we knew it,” she says. “Sure, we worked hard, helping scouts deliver holiday wreaths and teaching Sunday school, and selling hamburgers at football games, but our little secret was that we were having a really good time, too.”

Maria Reed, creator and host of Moving With the Military, says giving back to her community offers connections both civilian and military.

“Volunteering outside the gates is an incredible way to get to know where you live and those in the area,” she says. “It can help you build new friendship and ties to others who live there as well. Volunteering gives military members and their families an opportunity to connect with each other and the communities they live in.”

Keep Your Balance

Getting to know a place and the people are the first step toward enjoying any assignment, maybe even loving it. Getting involved can also be time-consuming, so choosing opportunities that fit the family’s work and school schedule is important.

“Know what your limitations are so that you just don’t say yes to everything,” says Maria. “Take care of yourself too.”

“You cannot pour from an empty cup,” says Claire, “so be sure your basic physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional reserves are full before you hit the ground running. Give yourself full permission to assess to see if you have the time and energy to commit to new serving opportunities.”

Claire also adds a reminder that there are many ways to give.

“You can choose to give with your time, your talent, or your resources. It doesn’t have to be all three,” she says. “In a season where you don’t have much time, you may feel inclined to make a monetary charitable contribution. If you don’t have financial resources to give, maybe you can donate your unique skills.”

All kinds of giving are meaningful, says Maria, whether organizing a clothing drive, taking cookies to a neighbor, or offering a smile and a kind word. She and other military spouses created the #GivingTuesdayMilitary initiative, which challenges military service members, families, and veterans to engage with their communities through one million acts of kindness on Giving Tuesday, which falls the week after Thanksgiving.

Reach Out

Whatever one’s abilities or resources, don’t hold a new community at arm’s length, says veteran air force spouse Joan Brown, author of Move and Other Four-Letter Words. Connect in small ways that fit your time and inclinations.

“No one can love what he or she doesn’t know,” she says. “Getting to know one another better is, I think, what life is all about and the ultimate reason for connecting to one another.”

Joan says the warm welcome she received at one assignment, particularly impressed on her the importance of welcoming newcomers.

“I realized we had become part of another and very special family, as well as the one we had each been born into,” she says. Substituting in local schools helped Joan connect when stationed in Guam. At several assignments, she says teaching English as a second language to military dependents gave her perspective into her communities.

“I realized we had become part of another and very special family, as well as the one we had each been born into.”

–Joan Brown

“Back when family services was a totally volunteer organization,” says Joan, “welcoming newcomers became my favorite weekly volunteer effort, then and for years to come. It’s one we’ve continued as retirees, whenever there are newcomers to our neighborhood or any of the organizations we’re involved with.”

Claire’s husband, Ryan, is an army chaplain, and she says their family looks for ways to plug in at the chapel on post, helping out with event-planning, children’s and women’s ministries.

“I also try to volunteer my time within our unit organizations. In our local communities, I find the local Daughters of the American Revolution chapter and join in with their patriotic and educational efforts,” says Claire, who is a teacher.

Bring the Kids

Involving the whole family in activities for giving back offers bonding experiences and teachable moments for those with children.

I’ll admit, I ‘voluntold’ our kids to participate in food drives, Eagle Scout projects, homeless shelters, neighborhood events, and charity fundraisers we did over the years,” says Lisa, “but in the end, the kids connected with the other volunteers and learned a little something about the needs out there in the world. No matter where we lived, I taught them that if you want to make friends, you’ve got to roll up your sleeves and get out there.”

Maria agrees that giving back is a teaching as well as connecting experience.

“My son is in the Junior ROTC at his school,” she says. “We are working with all the kids to help give back to the community through community cleanup efforts and spending time with the elderly and the VFW members. I think it is important for our young people to learn from the generations before them and show their respect and gratitude.”

Explore the Possibilities

Reaching out or taking the first step may be difficult, but the results—friendship, connection, and contribution—make each effort worthwhile.

“Sometimes being a military family feels like a major sacrifice on its own,” says Claire, between relocations, family separations, deployments, and such. “It’s a lot, and it can easily feel like you don’t have much more to give. But when our family approaches our service with the mindset of giving to others, we are often the ones who receive so much more. Our serving has connected us with wonderful friends; it has given us varied and wonderful local experiences. It has helped us to take the focus off of our own struggles.”

Terri Barnes is a military spouse and author of Spouse Calls: Messages From a Military Life, based on her long-running column in Stars and Stripes. She is also the editor of several award-winning books from Elva Resa Publishing.

The post Strong Community Connections Begin With Giving Back appeared first on Military Family Life.

When navigating and building support networks for military life, personal connections make all the difference. For all the moving pieces—transitions, mental health, school changes, deployment, and more—many avenues of support are available, and a few helping hands can bring those pieces together. Department of Defense programs, nonprofit organizations, and military-oriented companies are effective in different ways in different situations

“One of the most important ways to learn what resources are available and worthwhile is connecting with others in the military community who have the experience you’re seeking,” says Kellie Artis, army spouse and chief operating officer at Millie, which offers resources and information for moving military families.

When heading to a new duty station, Kellie says “Connect with someone—preferably someone who is thriving there—and ask them everything you can think of. If you’re facing challenges with exceptional family member status, school transitions for kids, food insecurity, deployment stress, you name it, there is most certainly another military spouse that has dealt with similar situations and has insight to give.”

The Millie website lists information about military installations, finding help with real estate, school districts, and commutes, as well as transition checklists and toolkits.

“One of the most important ways to learn what resources are available and worthwhile is connecting with others in the military community …”

–Kellie Artis

When it comes to counseling and mental health, Corie Weathers, army spouse, clinical consultant, and author of Sacred Spaces: My Journey to the Heart of Military Marriage says military families may not be aware they have many options. She agrees that someone to offer a starting point in the search can be helpful.

Within the military system, she says families can speak with chaplains and Military Family Life Counseling Program for short term or focused care. For civilian care, Tricare provides coverage.

“Families may not know they can find a local Tricare (mental healthcare) provider without a referral from their primary care physician,” says Corie. “Many clinicians, like myself, provide online counseling, or tele-health sessions. Individual counseling through Tricare for dependents, including children, is as easy as picking up a phone call and making an appointment.

Corie’s Lifegiver website includes a clinician directory to help military families find practitioners who serve the military community. Many of the care providers in Corie’s directory are also military family members or veterans.

School transitions are another prime concern for military families. Air Force spouses Amanda Trimillos and Stacy Allsbrook-Huisman, coauthors of Seasons of My Military Student: Practical Ideas for Parents and Teachers, say personal connections are essential here too.

“Sometimes building a strong parent-teacher team starts with connecting with the school counselor and fellow military parents even before we arrive at our new location,” says Amanda, a military spouse and mother of four. “These groups can answer questions and offer suggestions for how to settle into a new school. As a teacher I especially appreciate when a parent reaches out to me to begin building the partnership as soon as possible – even before the first day of school.”

“Building a strong parent-teacher team starts with connecting … even before we arrive at our new location.”

–Amanda Trimillos

Stacy says making connections is not only crucial, it also saves time and heartache when entering a new school and community. 

“I can remember the feelings of being left out of the know at a new school and feeling alone,” she says. “I felt like I’ve disappointed my kids by not forging a way through a new community to provide a better transition. After so many years of military life, these experiences have armed me with empathy. We can help other families navigate the chaotic life of school transitions and maybe keep them from making the same mistakes.”

Amanda and Stacy moderate a Facebook group dedicated to connecting parents and teachers with one another to share support and information; and SeasonsofMyMilitaryStudent.com, has articles and resources especially for parents and teachers of military-connected students.

“We all looked out for each other … what meant the most to me was that I was not alone.”

–Benita Koeman

Benita Koeman, coauthor of Stories Around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life, was inspired by experiences during her army husband’s deployments to create Operation We are Here. The website lists programs, materials, and ideas for supporting military families. Benita’s mission is to share avenues of support for military families and those around them, like local churches, civic groups, extended family, and neighbors.

Operation We are Here includes hundreds of links to services, books, military-connected businesses, blogs, websites, support organizations, checklists, guidance for families during deployment, wounded warriors, families of the fallen, and more.

Although having good information is important, Benita said friendships provided the best kind of support for her during deployment, recalling a particular neighborhood that became a powerful network of support during deployments.

“We all looked out for each other and carried on with shared memories, but what meant the most to me was that I was not alone,” says Benita. “I don’t think of that neighborhood as a geographical location. It represents a community of caring, military-supportive people.”

The many moving pieces of military life fit together better and are improved by strong friendships and a community that shares ideas, information, and resources.

“You are not alone,” says Kellie, “and you don’t have to reinvent the wheel when it comes to this lifestyle.”

Terri Barnes is a military spouse and author of Spouse Calls: Messages From a Military Life, based on her long-running column in Stars and Stripes. She is also the editor of several award-winning books from Elva Resa Publishing.

The post Helping Hands Build Strong Support Networks appeared first on Military Family Life.

“The world is complicated,” Lisa says, “Raising kids and keeping a marriage intact is about as easy as juggling wolverines. Handling the stresses and complication of family life with humor has always been my best coping strategy.”

She began laughing at life early on and was named “Class Clown” in middle school and again in high school. “Being funny was a way to fit in, to find friends, to entertain,” Lisa says. “Later it became way to ease tensions and get through tough chapters and the daily grind too.”

When Lisa became a mom and later had middle schoolers of her own, being able to take life with a dose of humor became even more important. Writing became another outlet for her, one that merged easily with her ability to find something funny in most situations.

Lisa says she was often  stressed by the details of her busy routine as a wife and mother of three. In her years of military life, that meant deployments and frequent moves. However, she says it was the minutiae of a hyperconnected world that threatened to overwhelm her.

“There’s so much to keep track of,” she says. “Coffee pods and car pools, gluten and global warming, social media and salad spinners. Humor always helped me keep perspective, to sort through the never-ending details and demands to find what really matters—and more importantly—what doesn’t.”

“Humor always helped me keep perspective, to sort through the never-ending details and demands to find what really matters—and more importantly—what doesn’t.”

   — Lisa Smith Molinari

By applying her sense of humor, Lisa says she was able to see that much of what bogged her down in life was inconsequential.

“Laughing at the trivial things in my daily life helps me face my fears and insecurities and focus on what’s most important to my family — like snuggling with the dog, the finer points of making popcorn, and never missing an episode of Survivor.”

Lisa began to pursue a career as newspaper columnist in 2010 after having an essay about marriage published in the Washington Post. Her weekly column The Meat and Potatoes of Life now appears in Stars and Stripes, reaching military communities all over the world. The column is also published in dozens of newspapers across the country. In 2018, Lisa won a first-place award for humor columns from the National Society of Newspaper Columnists.

That doesn’t mean her three kids always think she is funny, but her husband, Francis, is fond of a good joke and doesn’t mind when the laugh is on him. Still, Lisa says using humor to cope has limits. She offers this advice for laughing through challenges without laughing off what’s important:

Self-deprecatory humor is one of the best ways to put others at ease. Don’t take it too far, or it looks like fishing for compliments.

When communicating a valid complaint to a family member, approach with a bit of humor to soften the blow. My daughter once offered this well-strategized compliment to my husband with a surprised smile: “Daddy, your breath doesn’t stink today!”

Playful banter between family members can be a blast, but relentlessly busting each other’s chops can lead to hurt feelings. Pay attention to reactions, and don’t take a joke so far that it’s disrespectful.

Different people are comfortable with different kinds of humor. Know what’s appropriate for each family member. I might appreciate the risque joke my husband heard in the locker room, but if he tells it on  taco night in front of the kids, I’ll find it about as funny as a screen door on a submarine.

Be careful with sarcasm or snark.  It can come across as abrasive  when you should be shooting for playful. Remember, you love your family, so don’t put them down just for a laugh.

“Humor has been such a significant part of our family life,” says Lisa. “Our family sees it as a virtue, as laudable as courage, integrity and good character. Over the years, I’ve shown our children all the ways good humor can be a useful tool in dealing with grumpy people, mediocre grades, dust bunnies, and bad breath…. and when all else fails, impromptu dance parties in the kitchen make any day better.”

Lisa Smith Molinari is also a coauthor of Stories Around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life and has contributed to two editions of Chicken Soup for the Soul. Read more about Lisa’s work on her website The Meat and Potatoes of Life.

The post But Seriously: 5 Ways to Handle Family Life with Humor appeared first on Military Family Life.

“My mom got this recipe from a military spouse friend of hers when I was a teenager. When I got married, she gave me the notebook full of recipes she wrote down for me, including the pumpkin cookies. Since then, I have baked these cookies everywhere we’ve been,” Terri says.

For Terri, her Air Force husband, Mark, and their three children, “everywhere” includes four assignments overseas and nine more in the U.S. In each new neighborhood, sharing cookies provided a way for the family to reach out and meet their neighbors.

Plenty to share

“I bake a lot of cookies when I get out this recipe,” Terri says. “Having so many cookies to share gives me an excuse to go out and introduce myself. It’s easier to knock on the door of a neighbor I haven’t met yet when I have a plate of cookies to offer. Sometimes, it’s hard to take that step, but it’s been worth it.”

Taking food to welcome neighbors is nothing new, of course. Terri says it makes sense to stick with what works. She offers these tips for making the most of the time-honored technique:

• Be the one to step out and meet your neighbors, even if yours is the new family.

• Any treats—cookies, pies, cakes, or fruit trays—are usually welcome. If you don’t have time to bake from scratch, buy frozen dough or a mix to bake.

• Include a small card with ingredients and mention if you’ve accommodated any special dietary cautions (e.g., gluten free, dairy free, vegan).

• Include your address and phone number. If your house is visible from the neighbors’, point out which house is yours, or mention identifiable characteristics (e.g., green shutters, flag pole) so your neighbors can connect your face to your home.

• Remember, it’s the connection that counts.

Not all pumpkin cookie deliveries have resulted in friendship for Terri or her family, but many have created a connection.

“It’s like planting a seed,” she says. “It may grow and bear fruit. It may not, but it never will if the seed is never planted.”

Sharing the cookies often results in a request for the recipe, which Terri is happy to provide. The Barnes family has been a lot of places, and the recipe has traveled even more extensively, carried by military friends who shared cookies and the recipe far and wide. Terri often hears from people who are baking the cookies all over.

‘World famous’ cookies

“I’ve seen Facebook and Instagram posts from friends of friends, people making pumpkin cookies for their neighbors truly all over the world. Often, they are people who don’t know me, but they got the recipe from someone we were stationed with in Arizona, or Alabama. Now, they’re making the cookies in Korea or Slovenia. My best friend likes to say that my pumpkin cookies have become world famous.”

As a columnist for Stars and Stripes and the author of Spouse Calls: Messages From a Military Life, Terri shared her cookie-connecting experiences and recipe with an even wider audience. She began that particular column with “When you give a neighbor a plate of cookies,” as nod to Laura Numeroff’s When you Give a Mouse a Cookie.

“I sent a copy of the column to Laura, who sent a sweet note and allowed me to include it in my book,” says Terri.

Full circle

Like the popular children’s book that begins and ends with the gift of a cookie, the story of Terri’s recipe also creates a circle, as the recipe travels from friend to friend. Terri’s favorite cookie share happened when her family was stationed in Germany, and their oldest son, Will, was in his first year of college at Baylor University in Waco, Texas.

“Pumpkin cookies are very moist, so they don’t mail very well, especially across the ocean. I hated that I couldn’t send some to Will for his birthday, but then I got a message from my friend’s daughter, Dana, who was also at Baylor. She said, ‘I’m baking pumpkin cookies for Will for his birthday!’

“It was a very happy mom moment to see that gift of friendship deliver homemade cookies to him when I couldn’t,” says Terri.

Pumpkin cookie production in the Barnes household is usually ten or twelve dozen cookies, says Terri. Most of those are shared with friends and neighbors.

Any kind of cookies or homemade treat can become a connection to neighbors old and new.

Use a family favorite or try Terri’s “world famous” recipe. Either way, the most important ingredient is the sharing.

Pumpkin Cookies

Makes about three dozen cookies

1 C. shortening
1 C. sugar
1 C. canned pumpkin
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla

2 C. flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. salt

Cream shortening and sugar, add egg and pumpkin. Add dry ingredients and vanilla. Drop by tablespoonfuls on ungreased baking sheet. Bake 12-14 minutes at 350 degrees, until cookie springs back when touched lightly in the middle. Let cool before frosting.

Caramel Frosting
Enough for about three dozen cookies.

3 T. butter
4 T. milk
1/2 C. light brown sugar, packed
1 C. powdered sugar
1 tsp. vanilla

Melt butter in sauce pan. Add milk and brown sugar. Stir until combined. Boil 2 minutes. Pour into mixing bowl and let it cool but not get completely cold. Add powdered sugar and vanilla. Beat until smooth.

Vegetarian: For the frosting, substitute margarine or coconut oil for the butter; use almond or cashew milk rather than cow’s milk.

Vegan: Use the vegetarian options above, and for the cookies, use 1 mashed banana in place of the egg.

Gluten-free: For the cookies, use an all-purpose 1:1 gluten-free flour or your favorite gluten-free flour blend. For the frosting, use powdered sugar that is gluten-free and processed in a wheat-free environment.

All substitutions are 1:1, unless otherwise indicated.

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• Discuss the meaning of the stars, stripes, and colors of the flag. When walking through your neighborhood or on a family trip, see how many flags you can find.
• Show children the correct way to display and fold a flag. Guidance may be available from local scout troop, military installation, or veteran’s organization.
• Talk to kids about ways to honor veterans.
• Read the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights. Talk about why the writers decided to write what they did. Let your children pretend they are staring their own country and create their own framework of rights and responsibilities.
• Take children with you if you vote in person or explain voting by mail. Talk about why the voting process is essential.
• Make a family tree. Talk about relatives who serve in the armed forces, past and present. Talk about ancestors and why they chose to immigrate to the United States. Personalizing history makes it more relevant.
• Learn the Pledge of Allegiance. Talk about the meaning of the words.
• On patriotic holidays, like Independence Day, discuss the reasons for the celebrations or observances. Learn the differences between Veterans Day and Memorial Day.

Adapted from “Simple Patriotism for Kids” by Rachel Robertson. Rachel is an educator and the author of Deployment Journal for Kids, a special place for military kids to record their feelings and events when a loved one is deployed.

More about actions and observances honoring military service:

• Memorial Day:Ways to Remember, Honor Veterans Who Gave All
• Military Appreciation: 11 Ways to Honor Veterans

The post What is Patriotism? 8 Learning Activities for Kids appeared first on Military Family Life.

Jessie Barnes and Christina Rodriguez, adult artists who grew up in different military families, each drew on childhood memories to create a coloring book especially for military families. Christina designed Coloring My Military Life–Book 1, for young artists. Jessie designed Coloring My Military Life–Book 2, for teens and adults.

Christina credits her artistic development to her mobile military life as a child. “The variety of ecosystems—both natural and cultural—I was exposed to at a young age were critical to my development as an artist and citizen of the world,” she says.

Jessie agrees. “I’m thankful that life was kind of challenging on the front end, the constant change and what that means and how to look forward,” she says. “All of that has shaped me into the person I am and am continuing to grow into. I felt empowered and encouraged and I think that has made me very confident in who I am.”

Having friends all over the world and living in many places also means saying goodbye to friends with each move. Jessie acknowledges that one of the challenges of her military life was learning to deal with those losses.

Military parents are sometimes concerned about the long-term effects of those goodbyes, the goodbyes of frequent deployments, and other demands placed on their children. Both Jessie and Christina say having a strong sense of support at home guided them. From their grown-up vantage point, they suggest these ways parents can support their military children:

• Do what any parent should do: “Try to be steady and loving and have healthy relationships with their kids,” says Jessie. “That ultimately is what makes military life something that’s a growing experience.” Healthy, confident parents inspire healthy, confident kids.
• Maintain structure: Christina says the routine and structure around her young military life, particularly while living on base, gave her comfort and stability.
• Look forward: “Take a positive outlook and look at military life as an opportunity for new adventure and new friends,” Jessie says, echoing advice that her parents gave her as a child.
• Don’t feel sorry for your military kids: Parents do sometimes feel a sense of responsibility for the pain military life brings into the lives of their children, whether through moves or deployment. “In every life there’s some kind of pain,” says Jessie. “Military life is no different.” If you feel sorry for your kids, they’ll feel sorry for themselves.
• Show your kids you are confident in their abilities and resilience: “My parents trusted us to be resilient, to rely on and look out for each other,” Christina says. “My siblings and I are close in age, so as long as we had each other, our parents, our dog, and our carefully-curated favorite possessions—for me, art supplies and books—we were gonna be okay.”

Working toward having a healthy military family does more than get kids through the next deployment, or the next move.

“You’re not just preparing kids for military life but for life in general,” Jessie says. “You’re learning from the hard stuff, too. You’re able to see the excitement of what’s to come.”

The two volumes of Coloring My Military Life work together to reflect military experiences, with each artist approaching her designs from a different perspective, based on military childhood and beyond.

Inspired by a childhood pet, Christina used a canine character to convey important events of military life in the book she created. When she was growing up, her family’s dog, Lucinda, was particularly fond of her father and missed him when he was away on temporary duty, Christina says.

“When my dad would call home, we’d make sure to pass the phone to Lucinda as well, so they could ‘talk.’ She would be visibly happier after hearing his voice. One time she went to grab her favorite ball afterwards and played quietly by herself, tail wagging.” she remembers.

“I tried to imbue a sense of curiosity and wonder in certain illustrations in Coloring My Military Life, through the playfulness, expressions, and antics of the dog,” says Christina.

Jessie says every page of the coloring book she illustrated reflects her military childhood and the way it shaped her. She wants readers and colorists to see the value of processing the hard parts of military life while looking forward to new experiences.

“It’s not ignoring that the little boy misses his friends from his last school, or he’s looking forward to having friends at this this new school. It’s not … taking off all the friendship bracelets,” she says, referring to specific illustrations. “It’s remembering those things, but then it’s looking out the plane window at all the grandeur of the new city underneath you and being like, ‘Okay, what’s going to happen here?’ says Jessie.

“Military life has definitely enriched me in every way shape and form; because that’s been my life.”

Christina Rodriguez is the illustrator of Coloring My Military Life–Book 1 and The Wishing Tree by Mary Redman, and the activities in My Dad’s Deployment and My Mom’s Deployment. Jessie Barnes is the illustrator of Coloring My Military Life–Book 2.

Listen to an excerpt from the interview with Jessie, including her responses to the question: Did you put pieces of your military life into Coloring My Military Life?

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Deborah’s losses are with her daily, but it’s also important to her to observe the special day set aside to honor fallen American service members like Patrick and David.

“A flag flies at my residence every day,” she says. “I will light two candles on Memorial Day.”

After moving to a new home two hundred miles away, she isn’t always able to visit her husband’s and son’s graves, but she says they are never really far from her. “They both live strong each day in my heart.”

To honor veterans appropriately, it’s important to recognize the differences between the days set aside to honor them. Veterans Day, Nov. 11, is a day to honor living veterans. Memorial Day, the last Monday in May, is a day to honor veterans who have died. When the observance was established after the Civil War, it honored those who died in battle. Today, ceremonies and bereaved families everywhere remember all veterans who have died, no matter where or when.

“I know so many families who have suffered the losses, whether on a battlefield or off. Their veteran and their service meant the world to them.”

–Deborah Tainsh

On Memorial Day at Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia, flags are placed on hundreds of thousands of graves of veterans buried there, without regard to the place or manner of their deaths. The ceremony, called “Flags In” has been a tradition of the 3rd Infantry Regiment, known as the “Old Guard,” since 1948.

“I know so many families who have suffered the losses, whether on a battlefield or off,” says Deborah. “Their veteran and their service meant the world to them.”

Deborah offers some suggestions for ways to honor the memory of veterans who have served and died:

• On Memorial Day, remember a family or person who has suffered through the death of a veteran loved one. Send a card or a message to let them know you are thinking of them.
• At a Memorial Day picnic or barbecue, place an American flag to honor those who fought, served, and died for the country the flag represents.
• Avoid saying “Happy Memorial Day,” because it doesn’t reflect the true meaning of the day. These words make families cringe, Deborah says. Instead, consider a phrase such as “Never forget the sacrifices” or “Remember the fallen.”

It’s nice to thank a veteran for serving, but not on Memorial Day. Deborah says: “The living veterans who were Patrick’s battle buddies are some of the first to say ‘Don’t thank me. Remember my fallen brothers.'”

And that’s what Gold Star family members like Deborah do every day.

Deborah Tainsh wrote Heart of a Hawk: One Family’s Sacrifice and Journey Toward Healing following the combat death of her son, Patrick. She collected essays from other Gold Star parents for another book, Surviving the Folded Flag: Parents of War Share Stories of Coping, Courage, and Faith.

Sgt. Patrick Shannon Tainsh, United States Army, died on Feb. 11, 2004, while serving in Iraq. He was posthumously awarded both the Bronze and Silver Stars for saving the lives of his commanding officer and other soldiers. Sgt. Major David Tainsh, United States Marine Corps (Retired) died on Dec. 2014 of cancer associated with exposure to Agent Orange while serving in Vietnam.

More about actions and observances honoring military service:

• What is Patriotism? 8 Learning Activities for Kids
• Military Appreciation: 11 Ways to Honor Veterans

The post Memorial Day: Ways to Remember, Honor Veterans Who Gave All appeared first on Military Family Life.